The Rise of the Dones

My church is going through a series called "The rise of the Nones" focusing on people who claim no religion as a result of Christians not doing their job. I thought it was a cool title so I stole it to talk about my biggest pet peeve in the church. (At least this weeks biggest pet peeve) 

___________________________________________________________

"I've had it with church. I'm done!"

"My relationship with God is personal. The way He intended it to be"

"I'm not even sure organized religion is biblical"

"God is telling me that I just need to focus on me and my family, not have any other commitments"

If I had a dime...

Rephrase these cop-outs however you'd like, but that's what they are. Cop-outs. These are statements from the growing population of a group of people I like to call "The Dones." These are people who have been involved in church, maybe even held a leadership position in the church and for whatever reason have become hurt, burned out or frustrated with the church and as a result decided, they're done.

Let me start off by saying as a Christian you can't disassociate from the church anymore than as a person you can disassociate from humanity. If you have confessed your sins, asked for forgiveness and trusted Jesus as Lord and Savior for your life; welp sorry Charlie- you ARE the Church. Bummer, I know.

Now to address the "Organized religion isn't even biblical" argument. You can half read the new testament with one eye closed and still find that the idea of church is very much a biblical idea. Don't believe me? It's called the book of Acts. Check it out.

Look, I know the church is far from perfect. It's members will use you, it's needs will exhaust you, it's leaders hurt you. Trust me, I get it. I get it because I've been there. Heck- I just was there. But then I heard that lives were changed, broken bodies were healed and hearts turned to Jesus. If I have to get a little offended, a little exhausted, a little done- for that to happen then by all means. I've counted up the cost and it's so worth it.

Then at dinner the other night our friends told us in admiration about this guy who faithfully attends a church for 3 years and then takes a year off. Wanna know why he takes that year off? To "process all he's learned and try to apply it to HIS life"

Insert eye roll here.

Yeah because, screw the lost right?

I know I probably am coming off cold and irritable and maybe it's because I am. I'm irritated that there's people going to hell and the ones who have been given the tools to remedy that are too busy making sure they don't add any commitments to their life.

I know that community is messy. Church is messy. But instead of being bitter and burned out by it shouldn't that alone amaze us all the more? Jesus chose these stupid narcissistic cranky vessels to complete His work and showcase His grace. He had other options. He could have just spoken a single word and avoided the whole dealing with cranky Christians thing. But He didn't. He chose us to bear His image. Let that trip you out for a minute.

The Dones will claim that God wasn't in the people of the church that hurt them. Maybe they'll even chalk it up to a mistake on their part. Claim they were acting outside of God's will. They were never supposed to be in that church, or be that committed or whatever.

But, here's the thing. The fact that the Church is messy and imperfect is a sign of God's grace, not his absence.

I am not saying that having a personal relationship with God is a bad thing. It's actually a required thing. But I am saying that if pushing some ear buds in your ear to listen to your favorite pod cast or worship play list is the extent of your relationship with God then contrary to what the Dones believe you are not a more passionate Christian, just a less effective one.

I don't know where you got the idea that disconnecting yourself from church or in other words "Forsaking the fellowship of the Saints" is somehow being faithful. Because it's not. It's actually less faithful than connecting yourself to a broken one.

If you're frustrated with the demands and brokenness of the church and are on the hunt for a more "biblical idea of church" Then don't gather weekly. Gather daily before dawn and pray together. Forget that whole 10% crap. No you want a more "biblical" church so you're gonna have to pool ALL of your possessions and claim nothing as your own. Be ready and willing to lose your job, your family, your home and even your life for the sake of the lost.

Because that's how the early church did it. So in a sense you're absolutely right. The Church does need to change, just unfortunately not how you think it does.

Personality Types; Defining or Destroying the Church?

Welcome to my first co-written blog post. My good friend Dana Kindig and myself have had multiple conversations about each of our own unique personalities. Her being an extrovert and myself an introvert. Recently we have had to take a more honest look at how we each have used our defined personality types as an excuse for bad behavior. Then we started noticing that we are not the only ones who do this. It's actually like a super common thing and the more we realized it the more it annoyed us. So we did what any 21st century 20 something would do. Brought it up in the Court of Blogging. Enjoy =)

Also, when you're done reading this and are ready to simultaneously laugh your pants off and be more like Christ, check out her blog here.

_____________________________________________________________

Remember in High School when they made you take that stupid Myer-Briggs personality test? Well, I'm an INFJ. Basically all that means is I don't like small talk, crowds or clutter. I will take everything you say and over analyze it to death. Oh you say you saw me at the store the other day? Here let me think of 100 different reasons why you didn't come say hi to me, and probably assess the stability of our friendship based off of the final verdict.

My husband on the other hand is a text-book  ENTP.

Imagine a golden retriever with a stick who jumps on you as soon as you walk in door, add an incredibly charming sense of humor and a penchant to be like the best person you've ever met... This is Matthew. 

Also, in this scenario imagine yourself as a cat who just got baptized, and you'll have our marriage in a nut shell. He's energetic and hilarious and can belt any Disney song at the drop of a hat. I'm typically quiet and reserved and would rather read about a singing mermaid than have to listen to her pouring her heart out in my living room. I credit his incredible energy and fun-loving personality for our marriage working as well as it does. 

Anyways, I jokingly refer to our different personality types from time to time. Personality types are great for knowing what re-charges you, why you might be feeling stressed out or why you can't stand that guy at the office. However, more often than not they are just used as an excuse for bad behavior or poor social skills. And it's irritating. Especially in the Church.

I'm going to list the top 5 complaints INFJ's have about church and why (I think) they're crap.

1. "Being asked 'Erin, What do you think?" during bible study/small group.

Okay, look.
I know you're already taking a huge step being at a small group and you probably want a pat on the back. (HINT: you're not going to get it from me.) But before you complain about the pastor or small group leader wanting your opinion let's take a second and be grateful that you have someone in your life who wants to hear what you have to say. Not everyone can say that. I know you're just "quiet" or "thinking" but guess what? So am I. And I still manage to give my 2 cents at my small group every. Single. Time. Sometimes the pressure of talking is so much that it literally makes me cry. I can be telling a funny story that relates to the conversation and the water works will just magically turn on. But, I'm blessed enough to have a small group that doesn't give 2 craps about if I cry for no apparent reason or say something irrelevant or whatever. They just pass the tissues and move on. And I bet people in your life wouldn't care either.

2. Being told "Shake a hand, greet somebody new" first thing at church.

I know what you're thinking. "Oh great, small talk with someone who won't remember my name by the end of service" I know, it sucks. But get this. It's not about you. The Pastor asking you to greet someone, the worship being too loud, the greeter being too peppy- the whole shebang. It's not about you. It's about the lost, and maybe you're sitting next to one of them. And just maybe, you greeting them will make them feel less lame for being in a church service alone. So get over it. I promise you'll make it out of this 20 second long social interaction with all limbs and brain cells accounted for.

3. Being expected to pray out loud during group prayers.

Listen, no one expects YOU to do anything, they're praying because they're expecting God to do something. So just stop.

I admit that I struggle with praying out loud, it's primarily because I believe in the speaking of tongues and practice it in my prayer life and it just so happened that the one time I convinced myself to pipe up in group prayer I spoke in tongues under my breath when I was finished and I thought the lady next to me was going to turn to stone. She. Was. MORTIFIED. So it's a fear of offending someone on my part, and I'm working on that. Sometimes it's because the prayers being prayed are so heavy and I'm just trying to process what is happening. But I will say that I've never felt like someone "expected" me to pray out loud. So let's just call it what it is- fear of man. Pray about it, get over it and step out of your comfort zone for 30 seconds or so.

4. Having to get into groups and pray about_______

Um, there's power in numbers. And power in prayer... so, that's actually why Pastors have you do that. 

5. Having people tell you, "You should be more..."

Open, talkative, outgoing, whatever.

Here's the thing. You should. Being open and talkative and outgoing isn't going to kill you. Also, talking is usually part of that whole "Go into all the world and share the Good News" thing.

Look, I get it. If I had things my way I would spend all my time baking cookies by myself and marathoning it on Netflix. But neither of those things do anything for the Kingdom. Well, cookies do. But not when they're eaten selfishly in the confines of a comfy couch and blankie. Bummer.

When I get up to Heaven I want My Lord and My God to look at me and say "Well done, good and faithful servant" I don't want to get up to those pearly gates and be like "Hey... I TOTALLY would have witnessed to that person, or served in that ministry but ya know I'm an introvert, so there's that. But thanks for all those wasted opportunities" I mean, seriously? The bible tells me that I'm going to have to spend eternity in a crowd (angels) and being vocal (worshiping) so, I might as well get used to it now.

Plus, let's be real.. I could stand to share some of those cookies.

---

Disclaimer: **This blog post starts with a rant, feel free to skip the first paragraph**

One thing I've found by doing research for this topic is that extroverts don't get a whole lot of love. I found a billion (check out that exaggeration, don't expect anything less from this extrovert) websites and "reasons you may be an introvert" I even found one listing reasons your DOG may be an introvert. Is it just me or has being in introvert become the next cool thing? No love for us misunderstood extroverts, though. We just show up to parties expected to make people laugh, talk to the new people, voice our opinions and go home. No one writes any lists about us. Totally not bitter, but you can expect a three part blog post next week stating reasons your fish, goat, cat and house elf may be an extrovert. I hope that's a joke. We'll see how I feel next week. Rant over.

I'd first like to say it's not a bad thing to know you're an introvert or an extrovert, it's actually helpful. Too many times, though, I've seen the excuse of being an introvert used as a reason to not include yourself in the conversation, and I don't blame you guys because quite frankly, I don't give you much room. I've also seen, er, I mean been an extrovert that demands the attention of the captive "audience" during conversations. As one of my favorite people, Erin in all her INFJ glory has written a call to introverts, I'd like to write one to extroverts by listing off examples of times our personality type has caused or can cause hurt to the church; things that we should be on guard against. I should also tell you most of these examples are true, real life, dumb things I've done.

1.// Extroverts can be unobservant: Go into any bible study, church potluck, life group, or other small group setting and you'll see a healthy mix of introverts, extroverts, INFJ's, ENFP's, and all those other personality quiz answers that are trying to tell you who you are as if you didn't already know. As an extrovert I can tend to walk in, not look too much at the setting around me, and start talking as if everyone is as stoked to hear about my day as I am to tell it. Forget that there is someone to my left who is obviously upset and was in the middle of a conversation that I barged in on. As a life long best friend of an introvert, I know that this can tend to shut them down. It doesn't matter that your intention was never to interrupt and belittle their situation, it will still cause a sort of anxiety that can make them shell back up into themselves. So when you walk in a room, take a conscious look around at the people, vibe, and situation. I promise it'll be okay, people will pretend to care as much about your day when the current conversation is finished as they would have if you had started talking right away!  Practice being observant. 

2.//Extroverts can demand conversations: Here's what I know about myself, I assume everything I'm thinking in my head should be dished up and presented on a platter for everyone around me to dine on. Why wouldn't you want to hear me talk? I got valid points. I got two cents. But have you ever heard someone say about a quiet person, "they don't talk much, but when they do, it's wisdom". I've found that to be true. Sometimes we need to take a step back and give room for (uncomfortable, awkward, deafening) silence. It's not going to hurt us to sit through silence but it gives introverts who DO tend to think (and sometimes overthink) before they speak a few seconds to gather their thoughts. There could be a mind blowing sentence formulating in their brain that we may never get to hear because extroverts have already changed topics 12 times. Give some space between topics, and even ask if someone else has anything to add. One thing I've learned is asking specific questions helps. For example, instead of "how you doing?" try "Anything especially hard or exciting going on lately?" It not only makes them feel cared about, but opens up the door for a real conversation. 

3.//Extroverts say everything they think. The other way I've noticed extroverts demanding conversations is by not only conversing out loud, but thinking out loud. I know for myself I usually process my thoughts by talking (props to my home girl Katie who is graciously on the receiving end most of the time), so I have the tendency to say the same thing in 84 different ways and just barely be grasping the concept. I know for myself the Lord has convicted me to take my thoughts captive, not because the thoughts are wrong but because they don't always need to come out of my mouth. Bonus: It also helps to avoid the blank stares that are shouting "uhhh... yeah, you said that already". 

4.//The word "extrovert" is not in the bible: It doesn't mean it's not useful to know, but we need to know it for OTHERS sakes, not for ourselves. That's what the christian walk is about anyways, right? Jesus first, other second, yourself last? If I'm so focused on me, me, me and hearing my voice, how can I possibly be of benefit to you? I can't use being an extrovert as a reason to not season my speech with salt, or say whatever I'm thinking (especially since half the things I'm thinking are offensive). I'm still accountable for words that come out of my mouth. It's up to us to make sure we're using our personality type to build up and encourage the body of Christ, not using it as a tool to justify bad behavior. Jesus doesn't care about our personality type. He cares that we become more like HIS personality type by being made into His image.