Hopes deferred and longings fulfilled.

Sometimes I think about Mary. Sometimes when I'm waiting and the waiting starts to get hard I think about her. I think about that time an angel came to her and told her about this magnificent plan for her life. 

I think about how she responded by declaring herself a bond servant of God. I think about when she was at her sister in laws and how in the midst of all this she spouted out what is now known as the Magnificat. I wonder if those around her were baffled by the fact that she got it. I mean she really got it. She knew that the purposes of God were personal and redemptive not political and religious. 

I think about the night her son was born and how messengers and travelers and angels greeted him and how we are told that she "treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart". I'm sure just waiting for the day that her son would become everything she was promised.

And then she waited and waited and waited until her son who was supposed to save the world was 30 and not influential, and not married, and not really, anything. Just a traveling preacher who recently snagged up a couple of disciples. I wonder if that was hard for her. I wonder if that's secretly  why she wanted more wine at the wedding at Canna. Yet, even with all that waiting she still believed whole heartedly in her son. "Whatever he says to you, do it" she encouraged them.

I read about how her husband dies and she remains poor. I wonder how she must have felt. I wonder how many times she recited that poem to herself when nothing close to her vision of Gods coming kingdom was at hand. I wonder how many times she had to return to all those things treasured in her heart.

Then I think about that awful Saturday morning. When her son, the one she bore to bring peace and mercy to the world lay in a grave. The bible says hope deferred makes the heart sick. I can only imagine what hope deferred, spit on, tortured, hung on a cross and buried in a grave can do to a heart.

But then came Sunday. Jesus rose from the grave, conquered death and whatever broke in Mary's heart the day before had been healed. Because  "hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life"

I think I think a lot about Mary because on a much much smaller scale I relate. For almost 3 years I treasured promises in my heart, I wrote down every single time someone said anything about us getting pregnant. The first being a lady in the church who I barely know, but happened to work 1 Sunday in the nursery with and the last being my pastor. All those months of storing up treasures in my heart and now a longing fulfilled.

All that to say that I've had hopes deferred and now longings fulfilled and I am more thankful for the season of deferred hope because it gave me a heart and a compassion for those of you who still are hoping and treasuring things in your heart. I feel like my heart now breaks a little bit more for anyone who's in the waiting. It gave me a new appreciation and a humility for being on the other side. I had someone recently confront me on the fact that I don't always talk about the miracle of being on this side of infertility and I think it's because for every time I want to bring it up I remember what it was like on the other side. And just as we should rejoice with those who rejoice, I also don't want to forget to mourn with those who are mourning. 

If your in the waiting please let me know, I want to pray with you I want to give you something to treasure in your heart, I want you to know that there is a purpose and just like Mary learned its personal and it's good and you don't have to do it alone.