Being insecure, falling off cliffs, and the real Light.

Hi, I'm insecure. Nice to meet you.

I generally tend to think that 90% of girls are insecure so I've never really seen this as an issue. But I still think about it often. By the way, a good way to tell if you're insecure or not is if your insecure about being insecure. Because ya know, that makes a ton of sense.

Anyways, so then I started thinking about it and analyzing it and most likely over thinking and over analyzing this whole insecurity issue one day and I realized what my problem is.

I focus on my weaknesses, more than I focus on His strength.

Here's what I mean by that. When I am praying I say things like "God I have this problem. I just don't know what to do. I mean I should probably know what to do by now, I've been a Christian long enough. But I don't. I'm probably just not forgiving enough. That's gotta be it. Sorry Jesus for ya know, sucking. I don't mean to, really. Could you make me more like you and um, less like me? That'd be great. Okay,  Amen."

When you first think about it, it sounds like a pretty normal prayer. I confessed sin, repented and then gave it to Jesus.

But, the more I think about it, it's not all that normal. I mean the theology behind it is, but it just doesn't pan out in real life.

Think about it like this. You're running through a forest and you trip. You fall off a cliff but luckily there's a nice branch there that you're able to grab and hold onto. You're able to hold on, but not quite strong enough to pull yourself back up. You see someone walking by. Do you say, "Hey, I'm really sorry but I am just so clumsy! I was running and I wasn't watching where I was going and then I fell. Ugh, that is just SOO like me. Anyways, My arms hurt and my muscles are starting to cramp. I'm tired and sore and sorta thirsty and..." 

Umm, No.

You'd say "HEY! EXCUSE ME...SIR? Can you PLEASE help me get off this stupid branch?"

Because that makes way more sense. They don't need to hear how you got down on that branch, they just need to know that you want them to pull you back up.

Okay, I know I'm rambling a little but I swear I have a point in all this. See the bible says it like this;

"This is the message we have heard from HIm and announce to you, that God is Light and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the Light as He is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin... 1 John 1:5-7

He is the light. The thing about light is that it's transparent. It brings a sense of clarity. Light has the ability to show you just how dirty something really is.

I'll never forget the first time I saw my favorite Italian restaurant in the day time with all of the lights on. When the candle light and warm fire glow were traded in for nice large florescent lights I could see that the floor was chipped, the furniture was old, the paint was peeling, ect. It was far from a "Taste of Tuscany" actually- it was kind of gross.

I think more often than not, especially if you grew up Christian we read that verse and others like it and tend to think that we are "walking in darkness" whenever we screw up. Or worse, we tend to think that we used to walk in darkness but now that we are Christians we never walk in darkness. But I'm learning that neither of those things are correct.

Because He is the Light, really the only time we walk in darkness is anytime that we are walking in our own strength, going our own way and not His.

So that must mean that I'm not "walking in darkness" anytime I feel insecure, I'm only walking in darkness when I focus more on my insecurities and weaknesses than on His strength.

Because darkness is not a behavior, it's an attitude. 

On behalf of Christians, I'd like to say I'm sorry.

I know, I know. I already wrote a holiday blog voicing all my frustrations about the war between "Happy Holidays" and "Merry Christmas". I also know that it's a bit overkill to have 2 holiday blogs posted before even the end of November. But as an avid lover of all things Christmas, I've noticed my usual holiday drive dampened a bit by thoughts of how us Christians have kinda given Christmas a bad name. I had a conversation with someone who told me quite frank that the thing she dreads most about Christmas is all the annoying Christians who think it's more about them than about God. I had to cringe a little when she said that, but I also had to take a little bit of ownership in it. I'm sure there are Christians who have indeed done just that, but regardless of their actions, I know their intent was to do something so much greater, but they just let themselves get in the way of it. So on behalf of all well intentioned, yet poor choice making Christians, I'd like to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that we will inevitably argue about stupid things like putting manger scenes on public property, and which phrase we think you should greet us with.

I'm sorry that we have decided that this whole month only belongs to our holiday. I'm sorry that we forget that you might have a holiday you're family celebrates this month as well.

I'm sorry that we've been so busy with our yard signs and bumper stickers and ugly sweaters that we've forgotten to tell you the reason why we get so worked up over something as silly as a simple shorthand phrase, or a nonchalant greeting.

I'm sorry about the irony of it all, because according to our own beliefs this is a time to come together. To be unified. To reflect on one of the most amazing feats in all of history. Instead of hammering down our picket signs, we should be telling you about the most incredible act of humility ever known to man. Instead of correcting your wording and merely saying that we know the "reason for the season" we should be making that reason so undeniably clear to you and telling you incredible stories of joy and hope. I'm sorry we forget to do that.

I'm talking about the incarnation. The "reason for the season" if you will. The word incarnation literally means "To make into flesh". The apostle John said it like this "In the beginning was the word, and the word became flesh" then goes on to say that "No one has ever seen God" but that Jesus has "made God known"

You might be thinking "So what?" But here's what that really means, if you want to know what God is like, just look at Jesus.

Jesus, the one who used what should have been a scandal as an opportunity to set both the oppressed, and the oppressors free.

Jesus, the guy who hung out with prostitutes, and criminals, and low-lifes.

Jesus, who broke the cultural rules and religious laws just to heal a hurting life.

Jesus, the one who loved the least of these.

Jesus, the one who bridged the gap between Jew and Gentiles.

Jesus, the one who treated women with love and gentleness and respect.

Jesus, the one who knew that the future was in the hands of the children. And that we better make darn sure we love them, and love them well.

Jesus who loved.

Jesus who prayed.

Jesus who served.

Jesus who wept.

Jesus, the one who was willingly murdered so that you could break the chains of addiction, of shame, of guilt, of your past, of people who have wronged you and of those who you yourself have wronged.

Theologian Elton Trueblood said it like this "The historic Christian doctrine of the divinity of Christ does not simply mean that Jesus is like God, it is far more radical than that. It means that God, is like Jesus.

This must mean that God suffered. God wept. God loved the poor, and the sick, and the hungry, and the untouchable. God came to us. It means that God loved us so much, that he gave us his words. Then when words weren't enough He took on flesh and became the story.

He loved us enough, to be like us.

I don't know about you, but if I didn't already know Jesus, I'd be way more interested in that story than one of proper greetings and ugly sweaters. 

The Early Church and Fighting Like Siblings.

I’ve been a little okay, super frustrated lately.

I won’t go into detail really since most of my frustrations involve relationships with people that I love and respect mightily and it would absolutely break my heart if they misunderstood my frustrations. But, none-the-less I knew I had to address my frustrations somehow because other wise my flight instinct would kick in and before I knew it I would be somewhere lounging in a hammock in Colombia.

How do I know that? Well because the moment I realized I had to change something was when I started Googling the cost of living in Colombia immediately after mentally replaying all my relational frustrations and not being able to find a reasonable solution.

I knew I had to re-evaluate my plan of attack, because frankly though I've never personally visited, my friends make it sound like a fairly enjoyable place but I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't last 10 minutes in Colombia. My tendency to get sort of bitchy when the thermostat reads anything over 70 mixed with my very rational fear of anything that crawls or has more legs than necessary are both very important factors and definite deal breakers to the whole "Move to Colombia" thing.

Thinking about my frustrations further, now with the hope of fleeing to Colombia squashed, I suddenly realized that Christians live under a fanciful notion that no one in the early church ever disagreed with another. I’m not picking on you, clearly my Google search history over the past couple of weeks would quickly suggest that I too live under the same fictional notion.

I often imagine the early apostles sitting in a circle cross legged, politely nibbling on communion bread, smiling and nodding as they discussed how to apply the teachings and stories of Jesus to their own lives. It's a pretty picture however I have no idea where it came from, because it certainly didn't originate from the epistles. No, the epistles would strongly suggest quite the opposite. They would tell us that anytime you take a large group of people from different ethnic, religious and socio-economic backgrounds, there is always going to be a bit of friction, maybe some frustration, and yes- even hurt feelings.

If there wasn't then I don’t think Paul would have ever had to urge the church in Ephesus to “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” Then follow up on that statement with acknowledging that the church was made up of “Apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.”

So, basically what Paul was saying was that we’re not there yet. We’re still growing, and anytime there’s growth there is inevitably going to be growing pains. But instead of addressing the growing pains he simply urged them to love one another through the growing pains, because “then we will no longer be infants.. Instead speaking the truth in love we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does it’s work."

I think Paul was onto something when he was writing those letters. He must have known that unity is not synonymous with uniformity.He also probably knew that we would eventually find a way to confuse the two.

He knew we weren't called to agree; we were called to love.

We’re not called to never have any differences; we’re just called to love.

We're not called to never have hurt feelings or misunderstandings; we're called to love. 

We’re not even called to get along all the time; we’re only called to love. 

So maybe differences and frustrations within the church and within relationships are not necessarily a sign of decay, but rather of growth and maturity.

With all of this in mind I will make a stronger effort to better cling onto Romans 14:19 and 12:18 as a personal mantra and make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification and to live at peace with others as far as it depends on me. I will be devoted to the intentional act of respect and I will stop looking at these people who I love through the lens of frustration or of hurt feelings but rather through the eyes of Christ. I will remember that we are in every sense of the term brothers and sisters, which means we’re gonna annoy each other like them too, until the day of completion and that is perfectly fine.

I'm trading "Merry CHRISTmas" for "Happy Holidays", and you should too.

So, I was walking around our local Fred Meyers and much to my surprise, found myself in an aisle of twinkly lights, green garlands and fat little snowmen. You would think I would have been instantly filled with the “Christmas Spirit” and gone all buck wild buying every cute fake snow covered decoration in sight. Seeing how I myself was born on Christmas, and I have a genetic disposition to freak out over anything Christmas related. (If you never got the chance to meet my mother, let me help you understand that last sentence. For starters we had a sign above our door all year round that said “Every Day is Christmas Eve”. And every Thanksgiving we decorated more than we cooked. We wrapped every single picture in our house with jolly St. Nick and Christmas planning started around August.) Anyways, so given those statistics you would think I would be prancing around ringing jingle bells and throwing fake snowflakes at you when I saw Christmas in October.

I’ll admit, there was a little bit of jingle belling and fake snow throwing, but mostly I just was filled with dread.

I dread the “Keep Christ in Christmas” posts that are bound to fill my news feed.

I dread the bumper stickers, picket signs, and sweaters telling me that Jesus is the reason for the season.

I dread the war Christians will wage on those they believe are waging a war on Christmas.

I know I probably sound like quite the Scrooge right now but, hear me out.

Friends, let me reassure you that Jesus is not a wimp. He’s not sitting up in heaven with a blankey and a tissue because more people are saying “Happy Holidays” than “Merry Christmas”. He doesn't need to be defended. He needs to be preached. I have a hard time believing that Jesus is at all concerned with which particular phrase we choose to greet others with. I bet he’s a bit more concerned with the way His Name is being tossed around so flippantly, and albeit a tad hatefully.

I totally understand the deep seeded desire to make Jesus known. I’m not knocking your intention, I’m simply knocking your means. See, we can so easily distract ourselves with “Keeping Christ in Christmas” and making sure others know “He’s the reason for the season” and barking a punitive “Merry Christmas” to every “Happy Holiday” say-er that just happens to cross our path,  that we completely miss Jesus.

I think some of you have genuinely forgotten that there is more than one holiday in the month of December. There’s Hanukah, Kwanza, Festivus, Ashura, Yom Kippur and I’m sure a few others that I’m missing. But the point is that December is not solely designated as "Christmas Month", it’s a host to many different holidays, celebrated by many different people, in many different ways.

Also, I think we forget that Jesus wasn’t actually born on December 25th.  And if you go back and look at it our Christmas holiday origin is not a very Christian one. The trees, the lights, the stocking, the whole shebang; all has very pagan beginnings. But somewhere down the road we decided we would take it and make it our own, designating it as the day to celebrate the birth of our Savior. And to do so we would spend a destructive amount of money on superficial things, hang little lights on our roof and devour as many candy canes and cinnamon flavored beverages as possible. Because after all, Jesus is the reason for the season and nothing says Jesus quite like a candy cane.

I guess I can't speak for everyone, but personally I don’t love Jesus anymore this month than I do any other month. I don’t want to share him any more on the 24 days leading up to Christmas than I do the rest of the year. Because, honestly Jesus is the reason for all seasons. Not just the jingle bell and candy cane one.

Let me ask you a question. When the poor girl at Target who rings you up offers you a “Happy Holidays!” because that’s what her boss requires her to say, and you squak a gruff “It’s Merry CHRISTmas”. Are you trying to reach her heart for Jesus or are you trying to make a point? Because seriously? She knows now that you're a Christian, but what kind of Jesus are you really showing her? A loving one? A gentle one? A gracious one? I'm afraid if you didn't answer yes to any of those, then you're unfortunately not showing her the Jesus of the Bible.

So I'm going to say Happy Holidays to those that say it to me. Because I don’t want to make a point. I want to reach people for Jesus. I want to show them His love through patience, gentleness, kindness, forbearance and self control. I don’t want to be a defender of Christmas, I want to be an ambassador for Christ. I don’t want to be Jesus’ body guard, I just want to be his hands and feet.


So with that, Happy (early) Holidays my friends.

Why You Should Be More Like Martha.

Don’t get me wrong I could totally learn how to sit at the feet of Jesus more often. Actually come to think of it, it probably wouldn't hurt if I could learn to sit still more often in general. If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m a bit fidgety and I kind of have a short attention span. Oh well. Anyways, we all know that Martha has come to negatively represent the busyness and distractions of the world, while Mary is praised over and over for choosing the “better thing.” I don’t need to tell you that we should all be more like Mary and less like Martha in that manner. If you've been a Christian for any significant amount of time you've already heard a hundred sermons telling you the same thing. And while they are not necessarily wrong in their theology, I mean it certainly isn't a bad thing to want to be content and still before God. I still can’t help but feel bad for Martha, she’s kind of gotten a bad rap in it all.

Those sermons come from this popular passage in Luke 10.

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. And she had a sister called Mary who sat at the Lords feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Then tell her to help me” But the Lord answered her “Martha, Martha you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary Mary Has chosen the good portion and it shall not be taken away from her” Luke 10:38-42 [Emphasis added]

Think about it for a minute. Do you really think it was a cultural norm for a woman to take a break from her hostessing duties, and not only directly address the Guest of Honor but also insist that he have a word with one of the households family members about their behavior? (Not to mention the fact that she clearly said loud enough for at least one witness to hear it well enough to write a story about it.) I’m going to say no, it wasn't.

Here’s what tends to get misunderstood about my pal Martha. She’s a strong woman. Not a rebellious one.

She welcomes Jesus into her home, addresses him directly and rather candidly, with out fear of reproach and then get this, He answers her with love, and respect not with rebuke.

Put that in your “women should be silent" pipe and smoke it.

(Relax, it's a joke.)

The story in Luke 10 wasn't even like a one time slip up for Martha. Later on when her brother, Lazarus dies we are told she gets up, leaves her home and all those who came to mourn only to track Jesus down and confront him with these words "Lord, if you would have been here my brother would not have died. Even now I know that whatever you ask from God will be given to you." (John 11:21)

If you ask me, that is one of the most complete statements of faith in all the Gospels. And again, you see Martha stepping out and speaking up and Mary staying back. Yet neither of them are corrected for their response.

I think most people would probably be more like Mary in this situation. Quietly crying on the sidelines, completely undone by grief. I know I used to think that would be my reaction. But after reading this story again with a new found respect for Martha, I can‘t really deny that I see more of myself in the way she responds to tragedy. She was frustrated with Jesus’ delay, while struggling not only with the concept of resurrection but also with who she believed Jesus to be. Then we see her  hesitant to open a tomb because of the smell. Um, that has me written all over it. Doubt, Frustration and a strong disdain to anything smelly.

As much as I’d like to think that in response to hearing that Jesus is coming I would be somewhere patiently awaiting for him to come to me, I have to admit that realistically I’d be the one who marches out to see Him, especially if I had something to say to him.

Yes it’s true Martha is easily distracted with her work, and that’s not a trait any body longs for. However I don’t think she gets enough credit, if any for that matter, for her boldness to ignore the cultural norms and break the mold for gender expectations. So I will try to sit at the feet of Jesus more often, but I won’t totally neglect my inner Martha, because I’m actually quite fond of her.