Do something about it.

So a couple of weeks ago I had several people come up and blatantly tell me that they think I should go through the book of Joshua.

Not like, 1 or 2 people. Like 4 actual humans that I know and then 3 sermons from 3 different pastors in 2 different states. Then like 2 dreams. It was flippin' weird.

So, with numbers like that I decided to start going through Joshua. Now, this may not sound like a big deal to you but If you have learned anything about me through this blog it's probably that I don't like reading the old testament. Like, at all. I don't understand it, I don't relate to it hardly ever and not to mention it's kinda graphic. The first time I read it on my own I happen to pick up right where some crazy lady wiped her sons foreskin on a dudes feet. The next time wasn't much better. It involved poop, a belly button and an overall poor representation of how the human body's digestive system works.

That's a rocky start to any relationship.

Anyways, all that to say that I don't just poke my head into the OT for funsies. So Jesus knew he had to be fairly clear with me if he wanted me to go there. So hesitantly I forced myself to read through the story of Joshua, and I did pretty good, for like... a week. Then I got bored because, well it was old testament and that's just kinda what I do. Sorry if your offended. But don't worry, I started back up again. It's only taken a little over a month and I'm on chapter 3 now, your welcome.

Here's what I've noticed, Joshua  is all about watching, waiting, praying, preparing, and consecrating.

Check it out.

"Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things" Joshua 3:5

For those of you who are like me and think consecrate sounds like a cool enough word, but you're not quite sure what it means; don't worry. We've got dictionary.com for that and here is what it says consecrate means.

consecrate

verb (used with object), consecrated, consecrating.

1.

to make or declare sacred; set apart or dedicate to the service of a deity:

to consecrate a new church building.

2.

to make (something) an object of honor or veneration; hallow:

a custom consecrated by time.

3.

to devote or dedicate to some purpose:

a life consecrated to science.

Okay, before I get into why exactly I think this is such a cool verse I'll give you some context. So at this point, Moses had died and the Israelite's had wandered aimlessly around in a dessert for 40 years.

For 40 years.

For 40 freaking years.

Forty. Like, as in the number. 

Ew.

Okay sorry, back to the whole context thing. So they had been promised this chunk of land which was supposed to have like a ton of milk and honey (I imagine it's like today's equivalent to Starbucks and pastries. So; while we are on my blog we'll pretend that the Lord promised the Israelites a land of caffeine and carbs. Because that's how my brain works) Anyways, so they got this promise and they waited 40 years, they've already had one leader die and now another one is like "Look guys all we have to do is cross this stupid river" Then they did, because they laid some stones down or something. (Again; OT is not my thing).


But that's not the cool part. Or maybe it is and I just don't understand it enough- who knows. But the part that stuck out to me is that Joshua wanted them to get ready because the Lord was going to do something amazing tomorrow.

Did you catch that? After 40 freaking years Joshua still had enough faith in God and his promises to be like "Hey- it's here. The Lords going to do something amazing tomorrow".

For the record- That would NOT be me. I'd be the one like "Uh Joshua? No offense, but you kinda sound crazy."

Anyways, Joshua knew that God was going to do something amazing, but he also knew that they needed to be prepared for it.

They had to consecrate themselves. They had to devote themselves to it. Another version says "Cleanse yourselves". In order to really experience all God had for them in the promise land, they had to get off their asses and do something.

So, that must mean that if I want to see God do amazing things in my life tomorrow, I gotta get off my ass (or butt if you don't have a potty mouth like me) today.

If I want God to heal me- I've got to get my mind and body ready to be healed.

If I want God to soften my heart- Then I've got to stop focusing on myself.

If I want God to fix my relationships- Then I've got to start loving them and praying for them and forgiving them.

If I want God to fulfill his promise of giving us children- Then I've got to.... well.. ya know.

Ahem, anyways I think you get the picture.

My point is this: God's going to do amazing things tomorrow, but you've got to act like it today.

Being insecure, falling off cliffs, and the real Light.

Hi, I'm insecure. Nice to meet you.

I generally tend to think that 90% of girls are insecure so I've never really seen this as an issue. But I still think about it often. By the way, a good way to tell if you're insecure or not is if your insecure about being insecure. Because ya know, that makes a ton of sense.

Anyways, so then I started thinking about it and analyzing it and most likely over thinking and over analyzing this whole insecurity issue one day and I realized what my problem is.

I focus on my weaknesses, more than I focus on His strength.

Here's what I mean by that. When I am praying I say things like "God I have this problem. I just don't know what to do. I mean I should probably know what to do by now, I've been a Christian long enough. But I don't. I'm probably just not forgiving enough. That's gotta be it. Sorry Jesus for ya know, sucking. I don't mean to, really. Could you make me more like you and um, less like me? That'd be great. Okay,  Amen."

When you first think about it, it sounds like a pretty normal prayer. I confessed sin, repented and then gave it to Jesus.

But, the more I think about it, it's not all that normal. I mean the theology behind it is, but it just doesn't pan out in real life.

Think about it like this. You're running through a forest and you trip. You fall off a cliff but luckily there's a nice branch there that you're able to grab and hold onto. You're able to hold on, but not quite strong enough to pull yourself back up. You see someone walking by. Do you say, "Hey, I'm really sorry but I am just so clumsy! I was running and I wasn't watching where I was going and then I fell. Ugh, that is just SOO like me. Anyways, My arms hurt and my muscles are starting to cramp. I'm tired and sore and sorta thirsty and..." 

Umm, No.

You'd say "HEY! EXCUSE ME...SIR? Can you PLEASE help me get off this stupid branch?"

Because that makes way more sense. They don't need to hear how you got down on that branch, they just need to know that you want them to pull you back up.

Okay, I know I'm rambling a little but I swear I have a point in all this. See the bible says it like this;

"This is the message we have heard from HIm and announce to you, that God is Light and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the Light as He is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin... 1 John 1:5-7

He is the light. The thing about light is that it's transparent. It brings a sense of clarity. Light has the ability to show you just how dirty something really is.

I'll never forget the first time I saw my favorite Italian restaurant in the day time with all of the lights on. When the candle light and warm fire glow were traded in for nice large florescent lights I could see that the floor was chipped, the furniture was old, the paint was peeling, ect. It was far from a "Taste of Tuscany" actually- it was kind of gross.

I think more often than not, especially if you grew up Christian we read that verse and others like it and tend to think that we are "walking in darkness" whenever we screw up. Or worse, we tend to think that we used to walk in darkness but now that we are Christians we never walk in darkness. But I'm learning that neither of those things are correct.

Because He is the Light, really the only time we walk in darkness is anytime that we are walking in our own strength, going our own way and not His.

So that must mean that I'm not "walking in darkness" anytime I feel insecure, I'm only walking in darkness when I focus more on my insecurities and weaknesses than on His strength.

Because darkness is not a behavior, it's an attitude. 

On behalf of Christians, I'd like to say I'm sorry.

I know, I know. I already wrote a holiday blog voicing all my frustrations about the war between "Happy Holidays" and "Merry Christmas". I also know that it's a bit overkill to have 2 holiday blogs posted before even the end of November. But as an avid lover of all things Christmas, I've noticed my usual holiday drive dampened a bit by thoughts of how us Christians have kinda given Christmas a bad name. I had a conversation with someone who told me quite frank that the thing she dreads most about Christmas is all the annoying Christians who think it's more about them than about God. I had to cringe a little when she said that, but I also had to take a little bit of ownership in it. I'm sure there are Christians who have indeed done just that, but regardless of their actions, I know their intent was to do something so much greater, but they just let themselves get in the way of it. So on behalf of all well intentioned, yet poor choice making Christians, I'd like to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that we will inevitably argue about stupid things like putting manger scenes on public property, and which phrase we think you should greet us with.

I'm sorry that we have decided that this whole month only belongs to our holiday. I'm sorry that we forget that you might have a holiday you're family celebrates this month as well.

I'm sorry that we've been so busy with our yard signs and bumper stickers and ugly sweaters that we've forgotten to tell you the reason why we get so worked up over something as silly as a simple shorthand phrase, or a nonchalant greeting.

I'm sorry about the irony of it all, because according to our own beliefs this is a time to come together. To be unified. To reflect on one of the most amazing feats in all of history. Instead of hammering down our picket signs, we should be telling you about the most incredible act of humility ever known to man. Instead of correcting your wording and merely saying that we know the "reason for the season" we should be making that reason so undeniably clear to you and telling you incredible stories of joy and hope. I'm sorry we forget to do that.

I'm talking about the incarnation. The "reason for the season" if you will. The word incarnation literally means "To make into flesh". The apostle John said it like this "In the beginning was the word, and the word became flesh" then goes on to say that "No one has ever seen God" but that Jesus has "made God known"

You might be thinking "So what?" But here's what that really means, if you want to know what God is like, just look at Jesus.

Jesus, the one who used what should have been a scandal as an opportunity to set both the oppressed, and the oppressors free.

Jesus, the guy who hung out with prostitutes, and criminals, and low-lifes.

Jesus, who broke the cultural rules and religious laws just to heal a hurting life.

Jesus, the one who loved the least of these.

Jesus, the one who bridged the gap between Jew and Gentiles.

Jesus, the one who treated women with love and gentleness and respect.

Jesus, the one who knew that the future was in the hands of the children. And that we better make darn sure we love them, and love them well.

Jesus who loved.

Jesus who prayed.

Jesus who served.

Jesus who wept.

Jesus, the one who was willingly murdered so that you could break the chains of addiction, of shame, of guilt, of your past, of people who have wronged you and of those who you yourself have wronged.

Theologian Elton Trueblood said it like this "The historic Christian doctrine of the divinity of Christ does not simply mean that Jesus is like God, it is far more radical than that. It means that God, is like Jesus.

This must mean that God suffered. God wept. God loved the poor, and the sick, and the hungry, and the untouchable. God came to us. It means that God loved us so much, that he gave us his words. Then when words weren't enough He took on flesh and became the story.

He loved us enough, to be like us.

I don't know about you, but if I didn't already know Jesus, I'd be way more interested in that story than one of proper greetings and ugly sweaters. 

The Early Church and Fighting Like Siblings.

I’ve been a little okay, super frustrated lately.

I won’t go into detail really since most of my frustrations involve relationships with people that I love and respect mightily and it would absolutely break my heart if they misunderstood my frustrations. But, none-the-less I knew I had to address my frustrations somehow because other wise my flight instinct would kick in and before I knew it I would be somewhere lounging in a hammock in Colombia.

How do I know that? Well because the moment I realized I had to change something was when I started Googling the cost of living in Colombia immediately after mentally replaying all my relational frustrations and not being able to find a reasonable solution.

I knew I had to re-evaluate my plan of attack, because frankly though I've never personally visited, my friends make it sound like a fairly enjoyable place but I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't last 10 minutes in Colombia. My tendency to get sort of bitchy when the thermostat reads anything over 70 mixed with my very rational fear of anything that crawls or has more legs than necessary are both very important factors and definite deal breakers to the whole "Move to Colombia" thing.

Thinking about my frustrations further, now with the hope of fleeing to Colombia squashed, I suddenly realized that Christians live under a fanciful notion that no one in the early church ever disagreed with another. I’m not picking on you, clearly my Google search history over the past couple of weeks would quickly suggest that I too live under the same fictional notion.

I often imagine the early apostles sitting in a circle cross legged, politely nibbling on communion bread, smiling and nodding as they discussed how to apply the teachings and stories of Jesus to their own lives. It's a pretty picture however I have no idea where it came from, because it certainly didn't originate from the epistles. No, the epistles would strongly suggest quite the opposite. They would tell us that anytime you take a large group of people from different ethnic, religious and socio-economic backgrounds, there is always going to be a bit of friction, maybe some frustration, and yes- even hurt feelings.

If there wasn't then I don’t think Paul would have ever had to urge the church in Ephesus to “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” Then follow up on that statement with acknowledging that the church was made up of “Apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.”

So, basically what Paul was saying was that we’re not there yet. We’re still growing, and anytime there’s growth there is inevitably going to be growing pains. But instead of addressing the growing pains he simply urged them to love one another through the growing pains, because “then we will no longer be infants.. Instead speaking the truth in love we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does it’s work."

I think Paul was onto something when he was writing those letters. He must have known that unity is not synonymous with uniformity.He also probably knew that we would eventually find a way to confuse the two.

He knew we weren't called to agree; we were called to love.

We’re not called to never have any differences; we’re just called to love.

We're not called to never have hurt feelings or misunderstandings; we're called to love. 

We’re not even called to get along all the time; we’re only called to love. 

So maybe differences and frustrations within the church and within relationships are not necessarily a sign of decay, but rather of growth and maturity.

With all of this in mind I will make a stronger effort to better cling onto Romans 14:19 and 12:18 as a personal mantra and make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification and to live at peace with others as far as it depends on me. I will be devoted to the intentional act of respect and I will stop looking at these people who I love through the lens of frustration or of hurt feelings but rather through the eyes of Christ. I will remember that we are in every sense of the term brothers and sisters, which means we’re gonna annoy each other like them too, until the day of completion and that is perfectly fine.

Tug of War, Numbers, and Days with out Incident Counters.

“Your church is really into the numbers aren't they?”

This statement was made by a good friend of mine, who has the common problem a lot of people tend to have, she lacks a filter. She wasn't trying to sound judgmental, or rude, even though she did. To give her some credit, I don’t even think she realized it sounded rude until the end of our conversation.

To go back to what sparked that comment, I simply just told her that it was a good Sunday at our church, we had 10 people publicly give their life to Christ, about 5 others that made the same decision, but chose not to come up front. I told her that I had about 6 visitors come to get coffee from me, and 2 people asked me about baptism.

Note to self: Apparently when people ask “How’s church going?” it’s the Christian equivalent to “What‘s up” and your supposed to respond with something as surface level as possible.  

“Hmm, I guess so!”  I wasn't trying to avoid the conversation. Really I wasn't, I simply was hoping she would hear the “I-just-want-to-get-my-pumpkin-spice-latte-with-out-any-offenses-caused” tone in my voice. Alas, no such luck. Apparently filter malfunctions also come with a glitch in the “tone-reader.” Good to know.

“Why is that?”

My hopes for an offense free Starbucks run was quickly squashed with that question. I guess I could have given some simple hard-to-argue with answer like “I don’t know, just is”. But I could tell that this was more than small talk, she was genuinely curious about why I would spend any energy counting visitor cards and bodies.

“It's pretty simple, we count people because people count”- (Not to put words in His mouth, but that had to be The Lord- I am not that smooth)

“Oh I just don’t really see it in scripture or anything, but I guess everyone has their own convictions right?”

Now, here is where you should be proud of me. I desperately wanted to ask her if she’s even read scripture when it hasn't been spoon fed to her from the pulpit. But I mustered up enough grace to leave that little comment out. Oh wait, I guess that would be Jesus too huh? Either way, I was able to quote several places where Jesus was in fact concerned with numbers.

I’ll save the dialogue, but basically reminded her of several times in the book of Acts where they counted how many were added to the number daily. Also, the story of the fish and the bread isn't called “Jesus fed a random large group” it’s titled (if your bible does that) Jesus feeds 5,000. Meaning, he knew there were 5,000.

I could probably ask Siri for a dozen more examples, but that’s all I was able to recall in the Starbucks waiting line.

Here’s the thing, I don’t really care if your church cares about numbers or not. I know I do, and I know newLife does- beyond that I really don't care. I wasn't irritated that she was challenging my church’s number philosophy. I didn't even care that she was challenging my own philosophy. I was bothered that it even mattered.

So many times, the conversations I have with other believers feels like an endless, childish game of tug of war. So many times the goal of the game isn't to simply stand still- it’s to gain ground. 

Every single time I have these conversations, it’s only after the rope breaks and we’re both flat on our butt that I can see the rope burns on my own hands. Our stupid flesh wants to constantly battle, our pride wants to know that we‘re right The flesh constantly is saying "Prove them wrong. Have a back bone!" While the spirit says “Be still. Be patient. Have some self-control.” 

I’m speaking to myself here, so often I want to prove my point, be heard, be understood, gain some freakin’ ground. But ask me how many times conversations like this end with me feeling like I've accomplished something? How many times has someone actually seen my point? Understood where I was coming from? How many times can I say God was glorified by our tugging? Um, none. Nope. Not even once. 

It’s not these pointless disagreements that bring believers closer together. It’s the times that I've sat down, guard down, heart opened, and really listened. It’s the conversations that didn't start with an offense, or a challenge, but instead started when someone showed a piece of themselves. A piece that they knew I could use against them, but they trusted me not to. The conversations where the sole purpose, is to edify, encourage, strengthen, grow. Can these conversations sting? You bet! Not nearly as bad as a rope burn though.

So why in the world do I constantly find myself in the other? Why do I even bother with the unnecessary? I have no idea. Because it wasn't until I left the coffee shop, and was half way home before I regretted picking up that rope again. In the aftermath, it’s easy to see how silly it is to be defensive, it’s easy to see how ugly my heart was. Even though God gave me the grace to not verbalize my ugliness, doesn't mean it wasn't still there. 

God’s word makes it pretty clear, several times over, that He does not want us to play tug-of-war… 

Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry -James 1:19

Better is a person with patience than a warrior. One with self control than one who takes a city. Proverbs 16:32

Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them. Proverbs 29:20 

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification, do not tear down the work of God for the sake of food. Romans 14:19-20 

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:16

So this is what I will aim for. To live at peace as long as it depends on me, to be patient, and slow to speak, to seek mutual edification. I won’t tear down the work of God for the sake of food, or numbers or anything else for that matter. If I fail,  when I fail, I will simply rest in the fact that his mercy is new every single morning. With that in mind, when another tug of war conversation creeps up, and I fall short once again, I will simply do as the Hulk would do and reset my “Days with out incident” counter back to 1 and start from scratch.

Surrendering Sucks.

One gives freely, yet grows all the richer, 

another withholds what he should have given and 

only suffers want.

 Proverbs 11:24

Ever have a conversation with someone and nothing gets accomplished aside from feeling frustrated and exhausted? I know I certainly have. You can feel so defeated, like you just wasted so much precious time and breath. You walk away shaking your head, wishing you didn’t even open your mouth. Especially if the person you’re trying to talk to is as stubborn as me. 

This is exactly how I imagined God felt after sharing with me his 31 little pieces of “wisdom”.  Frustrated, exhausted and frankly, sorry He ever brought it up.

(Luckily God is way more gracious than my little human brain gives Him credit for.) 

Though none of it was exactly news to me. I’ve read these 31 books before. Except normally my sole purpose is to simply find a clever one liner that‘s tweet worthy. Other times it’s only to find the perfectly worded little saying, short and sweet enough to paint on a piece of wood. But as of late I’m trying to read through these catchy snippets of wisdom from a different perspective. As I do this I’m beginning to see that it’s not quite as cute and clever as I once thought. Not only that but it kind of thinks I’m a fool. A big fat stinky one, with a gold ring in my nose to be exact.

To top it off, it has to go and make things personal.

You see there’s this thing that I’ve kind of been holding on to. Okay, really holding on to. It’s as if I can see God holding out his hand for it and instead of just handing it over to Him, I slowly hide it behind my back, tighten my awkward grip, and walk backwards shaking my head. 

Did you just imagine a two year old with an illicit candy bar tucked into it‘s tiny fist? Because that’s kind of how I feel.

Now if I was reading these cleverly crafted words with my old perspective, I would have simply gotten out the checkbook, filled in the blanks, and checked it off my imaginary “Not a fool” list. But unfortunately taking this new approach to the scripture means I can’t just stop at the superficial.

Maybe Solomon was in fact just talking about money and gifts in this little aphorism. Maybe I’m reading way too much into it. 

Or could it be that the riches he’s talking about is the treasures we find when we completely surrender all of ourselves to Him, letting His plan for our life take precedence? Perhaps the wealth He’s referring to comes from the Peace that surpasses our understanding as we watch God take our small things and turn them into Kingdom things. Maybe it’s referring to the rich trophy of him saying, “Well done, good and faithful servant”. Maybe, just maybe, He just wants to be My reward.

So surrendering will always suck, but I'll wave that silly little white flag as many times as I have to if it means He gets the Glory. 

(Just in case I didn't get the picture the first time, this nice little song also decided to play first on my playlist)

Go and Sin no more.... or Not.

When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman where she was in the center of the court. Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you? She said, “No one Lord” And Jesus said “I do not condemn you either. Go, and sin no more”- John 8:9-11

How’s that going for you? That whole “Go and sin no more” thing?

Cause for me, it’s not really going so good.

I still curse others with one breath and then praise God with the next. I still rebel against authority. I still talk a big game about reaching the lost, then go back to my safe little walls. I still complain about things God’s blessed me with. I still think others have it better. I still am way quicker to speak than I am to listen. I still eat food when I’m not hungry and buy clothes I don’t need. I still fall short. I still keep others at an arms length. I still doubt God’s goodness, and I still question His grace. I still demand to see the wounds in his hands before taking Him at His word. I gently step over the scattered stones laid down, forgiven and free. I go, but I don’t exactly “sin no more”.

Let’s go back a couple verses

“Teacher” they said to Him, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the law Moses commanded us to stone such a woman, so what do You say?” They asked this to trap him, in order that they might accuse him.- John 8:4-6

It’s easy to turn up my nose at these puritans, with their stones raised to this poor girl. I'd personally like to think that I’d have more grace and compassion than them. It’s easy to think I’d be standing behind Jesus as he drew in the sand. Arms crossed and hackles raised. Angered by their injustice and overwhelmed by their hardened hearts. As much as we love to criticize their motives, we also love to forget that they were simply doing the biblical thing.

“If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife- with the wife of his neighbor- both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death”- Leviticus 20:10

It’s really quite foolish of me to think that I’d have any more grace. I’m just as legalistic as them. I’m just better at hiding my stones. I can sit here and turn my nose up at their purity etiquette and moral codes all day long, but really they aren’t any different than the long list of “holiness rules & regulation” we’ve instilled in our own little world. Sure the Pharisees had rules about what they could and couldn’t wear, how they should wash their hands, when they should wash their hands, what they could and couldn’t eat, who they could and couldn’t touch. But we do the same thing when we assign a label to the girl who just walked in our church wearing too short of a skirt. We do the same thing when we place conditions on God’s grace, and rules on his mercy. We do the same exact thing when we claim to love Him, but then ignore His people. We’ve even made up our own codes for how to handle sin we’ve deemed more severe than our own. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know who’s worse; the Pharisee’s or the modern day Christian.

I can’t wait to get to heaven and ask Jesus what he drew in the sand that day.  I wonder if it was a list of the Pharisees sins, or maybe a cool “one-liner” about how the law was given through Moses, but Grace came through the carpenter.


“Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her”

I wish I hated my own sins as much as I hate everybody else’s.

At first my theological ego was rubbed a little wrong when I read this verse "Go and Sin no more" Surely he didn't actually mean that. Surely He had to know that all he was doing was just setting the poor girl up for failure. But regardless of what I or any of my alter-ego's would like to believe, Jesus does in fact call us to be perfect. In Matthew 5:48 He says "Be perfect, therefore as your heavenly Father is perfect" So he really does want us to Go and Sin no more. But just because He calls us to it, doesn't mean we will disappoint Him when we fall short because we will indeed fall short.

I think my biggest issue with this story is the point of view from which we retell it from. We don’t tell it as the Pharisee’s would. We don’t tell it like the sinner who saw redemption first hand would. No. Out of all the people in this story, we’ve decided we’re most like Jesus. 

We’re not taking this story and celebrating our redemption. 

We’re not taking this story and second guessing our harsh verdicts.

All we’ve done is turn this story into a stone.

I think it’s a little obvious that we’ve completely missed the point.

All Things Considered

So before hitting the Blogosphere I kept a bunch of writings on an old computer. I thought it would be kind of fun to go back and post one of those old writings. It was probably a good idea in theory (I do have a lot of those) but then I came across a common problem as I was reading through them. I didn’t really agree with anything that I said in them. It didn’t even sound like something I’d say or think. 

This year has been a crazy year, we’ve changed churches, changed jobs, changed apartments, changed ministry goals, changed life goals, ultimately we’ve just changed. So naturally my writings and ideas have also changed. So I deleted all the old writings that I no longer agreed with. As I sat there deleting article after article I couldn’t help but think if in another year from now I’d be logging onto this Blog and deleting the posts on here I no longer agree with.

Then last night we had a great conversation with an amazing couple and we just were able to talk about life and ministry and all the things in between, and as we talked I was reminded of one of my favorite stories in the bible. It’s only recently became my favorite because I’ve noticed something about it that I’ve never quite caught before.

Acts 18:24-28
Meanwhile a Jew named Apollos. A native of Alexandria, came to Ephesus. He was a learned man with a thorough knowledge of the scriptures. He had been instructed in the way of the Lord, and taught about Jesus accurately, though he knew only the baptism of John. He began to speak boldly in the synagogue. When Priscilla and Aquilla heard him, they invited him to their home and explained the way of God more adequately. When Apollos wanted to go to Achaia the brothers encouraged him and wrote to the disciples there to welcome him. On arriving he was a great help to those who by grace had believed. For he vigorously refuted the Jews in public debate proving from the Scriptures that Jesus was the Christ.

So it says that Apollos only preached what he knew, until Priscilla and Aquilla came to him and explained the way of God more adequately. But check out what it doesn’t say. It doesn’t say that Priscilla and Aquilla then go on to call him a false teacher, or publicly humiliate him in front of those he just preached to. It also never says that Apollos was embarrassed, or hung his head in shame, or went back and retracted what he said when he preached. He had no reason to, because he didn’t mislead anyone, he didn’t twist scripture. He didn’t do anything wrong, he just simply had limited knowledge. 

I like this passage a lot because it reminds me that it as long as I’m doing my part and telling you what I know about scripture, and doing it with reverence to Him, I have no reason to go back and delete or edit what I’ve said. Something in the conversation with this couple really stuck out to me, we were talking about teaching the Word and that we can’t control how others take what we said. That not everyone is going to agree and most importantly that not everyone is going to hear what we‘re trying to get across. Our only responsibility is to rightly divide the word, teach the context accurately and give true application. Past that I can’t control what you take from it.

I think Apollos and his friends had it figured out. So I’ll keep writing even though some of you, maybe even myself given enough time, might disagree. You might even take what I say out of context and twist it. But that’s okay, I still won’t go back and delete any posts. See here’s the thing, I don’t write to impress you. I don’t do it so that you’ll compliment me. I don’t care about that. I care about encouraging others with my limited knowledge. So I‘ll do just that. But I won’t spoon feed you anything. Because for one, I am not your Mama, and 2. Chances are good if I do I’ll have to go back and make you regurgitate all the misguided crap I fed you, and trust me that won’t be fun for either of us. So I’ll do my part and make sure I am rightly presenting the Word, you do your part and read the scripture for yourself.

Like I said, the Christian life is a process, but I think we can make it easier on ourselves if we just agree to be in it together. As brothers and sisters. Walk alongside each other as our finite brains try to understand an infinite God. As we go build each other up, and if one falls, be the first one to help him. Because you see, iron will indeed sharpen iron, if you let it.

Pinterest and the Perfect Christian Life

So, I have a confession.

I love Pinterest. You're shocked, I can tell. But I do. I love thinking that one of these days I will have a spotless pottery barn inspired home filled with furniture that I built all by myself using only items found at the dollar tree, oh and pallets of course... can’t forget pallets! I get excited thinking of all the inches I’ll shred with every kale and spinach filled diet I find. I think it’s a ton of fun to count up all the dollars we’ll save when I finally learn how to coupon my way to a freezer full of a years worth of supper all from my one time $100 dollar run to Costco. Like I said, I love Pinterest.

But, as the story goes, every rose has it’s thorns.

As I sat there pinning my little heart out this morning, I slowly found myself going on a tiny little guilt trip.

I don’t have a pottery barn inspired- anything. I don’t eat and breathe kale. I've used coupons once, and I did it wrong and made the clerk lady regret not taking the job at staples. She said that. I mean she said it with her glare, but still said it none the less. Oh and those freezer meals and thrifty run to Costco? Sorry, my freezer is way too full of Eggo waffles and ice cream to fit any of your 200 calorie frozen masterpieces. I don’t have a Costco card but the one time I borrowed my friends and went by myself- I spent 150 dollars, and we still somehow didn't have any groceries. We had tons of chocolate covered acai berries, and a beautiful dog bed that Sophie refuses to even pretend to like. Maybe a couple other snacks were thrown in there I’m sure, but no actual, real food. Certainly no kale. 

Do you think I pinned or instagrammed any of that? Nope. Let’s be honest I move the pile of folded laundry out from under the dog before snapping a picture of her for my fellow instagramming friends.  And if there is a filter that makes my couch look cleaner, you bet I'll use it. Can you "facetune" your couch? If you can I'll be all over that.

We only instagram and pin our success, not our failures.

It doesn't bother me so much as far as the social media world goes. I don’t really care how clean your house is, what you had for dinner, or how perfect that one DIY project turned out. Pin away my friends. But more often than not it doesn't stop there. We bring this perfectly staged instagrammed self to Church. 

Stay with me, because I do it too. But what if, just one time- when someone asks us how our week went- instead of saying “Oh, it was so blessed” we said “I have a ton of garbage this week I tried to carry it out myself but it‘s too stinky, too messy and too gross. I have no clue how I’m going to get myself together, I need your help.” 

I know it seems scary. Because if you went to a church like the one I went to, they gave you a formula for your testimony. You told about the valley (your past), the climb, (when you trusted Jesus) and then described your mountain top. (the victory and delivery over your past). And that’s where it ended. It was a good formula and helped me get through the first time telling my testimony in front of people. 

But what if you’re a Christian, and you’re still in the valley?

Maybe not still in the valley, because let’s be honest your first experience with a Love that conquers all, or the first time you finally understood how scandalous Grace is; you were on the top of the Mountain and never thought you could come down.

But, you do. Life’s stinkin’ hard. Even the Christian life. Storms will come and the wind from them will more than likely knock you on your butt.

I think one of the most important lessons I've learned as a Christian is that there are things about the valley that He can't teach you from the mountain top. Follow Him there anyways, because He will never leave you in the valley. He just wants to show you something down there. It will help you appreciate the mountain, I promise.

Oh, but we have convinced ourselves that it’s better to just play church with each other, and go about the day like everything is hunky dory. No, being real is hard so lets just all put on our “we've got this mask”, and proceed to pin the perfect Christian life. Let’s forget about true, genuine relationships. Let’s forget about all the people who feel defeated and hopeless week after week watching your cookie cutter Christian life fall perfectly into place, and by all means let’s just fake it. Then go home and pray to God that some how, some day, we make it.

I‘m sorry, but I’m sick and tired of it. I’m done. I don’t want to play church. I don’t want one more person going home from church feeling less than, I don’t want one more person feeling like they should just give up because they’ll never be that cookie cutter Christian. I certainly don’t want anyone to leave the church because they just can’t keep up with the fake facades. 

I’m not going to present Jesus like he’s a box of chocolates wrapped with a perfect little bow. I’m going to share hope, but I’m also going to share struggle. There is hope and victory in this Christian walk, but there is also heartbreak, valleys, sin, and struggle. I think more people would be drawn to a Jesus who suffered for us than a Jesus who never knew struggle. The bible doesn't just tell the story of Jesus being born, his perfect life, and then skip right to the victory of him defeating death. No, it also includes the part where he was battered and bruised. It tells us he was vulnerable. It says He wept. So, from now on, that’s the example I’m going to follow. I hope you’ll join me. 

Romans 5:3-5
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,  and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,  and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Did you catch that? Suffering leads to hope. And hope will not put us to shame.

So I got corrected... sorta.

Remember those few women I told you about who I feel are responsible for much of my Christian walk just by being awesome?  Well, apparently not only are they super awesome but they also tend to be right about things, and also don’t mind telling me when I’m wrong about things. Believe it or not, I really like that about them.

So a few other conversations have taken place over the last couple of weeks to really get me thinking about my “Calling”. I feel like my calling is my Christian equivalence to my college major-in that it continually changes.

A while ago I thought it was my “calling” to disciple teenage girls, to speak into their lives and stop insecurity in its tracks so that they never fall victim to the oppression and guilt of giving away too much of themselves, or worse.

But later I found out that that’s kind of everyone’s calling. It is just part of being an adult, you have to impart your wisdom on the youth and give them better tools than you were given so that they can go farther than you. It’s not a job for one person; Jesus was very specific on how he wants everyone to treat the children.

Then about a year ago, I thought it was my calling to go to Colombia. Maybe even move there. Be a “full time missionary” (another one of the many christian terms the church should stop using) and do awesome things for God and spend my day in the tropics showing orphans the love of Christ, maybe adopt one or two, or 15.

Yet again I learned that’s kind of everyone’s calling. Not so much Colombia but the loving orphans thing. Jesus was also specific about that- and I don’t know if you noticed but we have a couple orphans here. Not just America here, like Astoria here.

So usually this is where I’d sit down and reconsider what I wanted my calling to be. I’d probably choose something else that seemed fun and easy and also involved warmer weather. But instead, I was approached by several different people- all of who don’t know each other by the way- telling me what they thought I was supposed to do with my ability to string words together. I mean, each one differed slightly in the capacity of what they had in mind but they all had one thing in common; speaking.  Like, in front of people and stuff.

Um, excuse me while I go pee my pants.

So, I told my friend about this and voiced to her my insecurities. Although I didn’t phrase them like insecurities; no, more like facts. Cold hard evidence as to why I should never speak in front of people.

“I’m not good at speaking, not only am I not good at it but I don’t like it”

“There are other people who are WAY better at it; really they should be the ones up there. People would listen to them”

“I have no right to tell women who have YEARS on me anything bible related, they should be teaching me”

“What if someone asked me a question, like about the Old Testament? I’d look like an idiot!”

I personally thought I had quite the case against the whole me speaking thing. She, however respectfully disagreed.  (I bet you didn’t see that coming, did ya?)

This is the“reader’s digest” of why she disagreed with my ever so persuasive facts.

 “Erin, remember when you came to me after Matt had proposed asking me all about marriage?”

I didn’t actually remember this conversation but she is pretty smart and good at being married so it sounded like something I would do.

“What if I told you not to marry Matt, and my reasons were:

You’re probably not very good at being married, somebody else might be better.

You might not like being married.

You have no right to get married! There are other couples out there who know way more about marriage- Let them get married!

Someone might ask you a question about marriage, and then you’d look like a real idiot!

Those would be pretty stupid reasons not to do it, wouldn’t they?”

Like I said, she’s pretty smart.

She went on to quote stories like that in Exodus 6 and Jeremiah 1. To remind me that bringing God glory is so much better than merely being good at something.

So did her little pep talk completely change my attitude? Not really.
Do I now feel an overwhelming urge to get up and talk to a bunch of people? Nope.

 But this is what I do know;

'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."---(2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

I'm ashamed.

So I ordered a T-shirt from “Voice of the Martyrs” yesterday, if you don't know what that is visit www.persecution.com and learn about it. But as I read more about the organization and what they are up against and what a day in their walk with God looks like vs. what ours does, I couldn't help but feel ashamed. 

I’m ashamed that we complain about our level of comfort, while our brothers fight for their life for Christ’s name.

I’m ashamed of not taking the Bible more seriously when it told us this would happen.

I’m ashamed of the T-shirts, and the bumper stickers, and the fog machines, and the light shows, and the praise we look for in it all.

I’m ashamed that the Church has become the scariest place to “come out“, instead of the safest.

I’m ashamed that we are so quick to speak and so slow to listen.

I'm ashamed that instead of sitting at his feet, we're demanding to be recognized.

I’m ashamed of judging those I've deemed judgmental.

I’m ashamed that we've reduced the bible down to nothing more than a position paper, using it either for this, or against that.

I’m ashamed by our lack of love.

I’m ashamed of our failure to serve.

I’m ashamed that we live for those “convicting” sermons, but then never let them change us.

I’m ashamed at our selfishness and penny pinching, giving to Caesar what’s Caesars but giving that which is God’s to our own bank accounts, being more faithful to our 401k‘s than to the God who provided them.

I’m ashamed at how we can stumble through the day without prayer.

I’m ashamed that we complain about our government, flawed as it might be we’re not being persecuted by it. I’m ashamed that we’re not more grateful for that.

I’m ashamed that we’re not more grateful, period. 

I’m ashamed that we think tweeting a scripture or two is a reasonable response to the great commission.

But, I’m not ashamed of the Gospel.

I’m not ashamed of the scandalous news first spoken by a Palestinian teenager, whose willingness to be used by God shattered the proud and lifted up the humble.

I’m not ashamed of the Carpenter who soon became known for his counter-cultural ways and long stories. Who restored sight to the blind, life to the dead and mercy to the undeserving.

I’m not ashamed of his crazy clan of tax-collectors and zealots.

I’m not ashamed of the prostitutes he made friends with, or his challenges to the religious.

I'm not ashamed of a rescuing Grace that dries my tears with hope.

I’m not ashamed of His backwards reality that calls the poor privileged, blessed, full while calling the rich cursed.

I’m not ashamed of the good news that we don’t have to wait around for the right Political leaders, or a better government because there is a Kingdom growing in and around us, who welcomes all to the table.

I’m not ashamed of the refreshing truth that Jesus is Lord, and Caesar is not.

I’m not ashamed that when God walked among us he rode a donkey, not a war horse. That he defended the defenseless, laughed with the children, cracked jokes about religion, obeyed his mom, forgave his enemies, and loved his neighbor.

I’m not ashamed of the great witnesses on the path alongside of me, making meals, giving rides, showing compassion, leading by example, loving well, teaching children, serving faithfully, those who work hard and fail sometimes, all because of the Grace they've been given and the overwhelming need to share the story that sets both the oppressed and oppressors free.

I’m not ashamed of the Church, she is a survivor. The stubborn bride she is, a work in progress to say the least but they say not even the gates of hell will be able to prevail against her, so I guess we should stop hedging bets.

I’m not ashamed of the One who died for all of it, and by doing that liberated us of our need to be ashamed.

I'm not a "Sinner saved by grace"

Okay, we've all heard Christians say it and if we are honest we've probably said it ourselves once or twice "I'm just a sinner saved by grace". You've probably said it to your unbelieving friends to make it seem like you guys are the same, both sinners just one has found the redeeming love of Christ.

I'm sorry to be a bubble burster and probably a button pusher, but that is just not true.

I don't see the bible ever referring to followers of Christ as sinners, in the present tense. Actually it calls them something quite different. You've sinned, yes- but God doesn't call you a sinner. No, he calls you a saint.

I absolutely 100% believe that Christ died for us while we were still sinners. But I think it's an insult to the Cross to think that he died for us so that we could remain sinners.

Paul refers to himself as the foremost of all sinners, needing salvation that much more. Then in James it does talk about sinners, but it's specifically referring to people who have walked away from The Lord and are currently practicing and choosing sin.

So if Jesus Christ, the foundation and perfect example of this Christian walk, never calls those who love him "sinners" why should we?

One thing that seems to be an ever growing trend in Christian culture is to show false humility. As if that's somehow going to win people to Christ. Think about it; is it the humility of Christ that draws us to him or the power of Christ? I am not saying humility is a bad thing or even that we should overlook or downplay Christs humility; but honestly was it the idea of a helpless babe in a manger that won you over to Christianity? Or was it His power to not merely make bad people good but take it a step further and make dead people alive? What good does it do for the kingdom to cling to the exact identity the cross has redeemed you from?

I can't help but think that we desperately have this whole saint vs sinner thing confused, and here is proof;

"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin we have one who speaks to the father in our defense-- Jesus Christ" 1 John 2:1

Or how about this one;

"And having been set free from sin have become slaves to righteousness"- Romans 6:18

Think about that; let that trip you out for a minute.

Not only are we not called sinners but we have within us the power to never sin again.

Now by no means am I saying that Christians are perfect, or that we should be. But just by putting your trust in The One who has never sinned, you have been given access to that freedom. So by saying your a sinner saved by grace your completely depriving yourself of the power freely given to you.

I think Paul said it best "But if, in our endeavor to be justified in Christ, we too were found to be sinners, is Christ then a servant of sin? Certainly not!”- Galatians 2:17

Certainly not.

There's a place for you at the table

So this actually isn’t what I was going to write about today, but I was going through some old journals and sermon notes and I came across a page that just said;

2 Samuel 9:3-5 – Blessing someone can turn bitter things, into beautiful things.

That caught my attention. Now, granted it probably was the start of a Rich Wilkerson Jr podcast that I forgot to finish, since it’s not exactly common for me to willingly read an Old Testament story much less like, understand it. So I decided to go back and actually read 2 Samuel 9.

Here’s what it says:

 David asked, "Is there anyone remaining from Saul's family I can show kindness to because of Jonathan?" There was a servant of Saul's family named Ziba. They summoned him to David, and the king said to him, "Are you Ziba?" "[I am] your servant," he replied.  So the king asked, "Is there anyone left of Saul's family I can show the kindness of God to?" Ziba said to the king, "There is still Jonathan's son who is lame in both feet."  The king asked him, "Where is he?" Ziba answered the king, "You'll find him in Lo-debar at the house of Machir son of Ammiel." So King David had him brought from the house of Machir son of Ammiel in Lo-debar.  Mephibosheth son of Jonathan son of Saul came to David, bowed down to the ground and paid homage. David said, "Mephibosheth!" "I am your servant," he replied.  "Don't be afraid," David said to him, "since I intend to show you kindness because of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all your grandfather Saul's fields, and you will always eat meals at my table." Mephibosheth bowed down and said, "What is your servant that you take an interest in a dead dog like me?" (2 Samuel 9:1-9 HCSB)

Okay so here it says that Mephibosheth was lame in both feet, but it never tells you what happened to him to make him lame in both feet. So like any super holy, well rounded, bible knowledge seeker does, I googled it.

“2 Samuel 4:4- Saul's son Jonathan had a son whose feet were crippled. He was five years old when the report about Saul and Jonathan came from Jezreel. His nurse picked him up and fled, but as she was hurrying to flee, he fell and became lame. His name was Mephibosheth .  

Thanks google.

So here is what we know about Mephibosheth:

-He was destined to be King, but because someone else messed up, he lost that destiny.
-He literally lives in a land that name means “Pasture-less”, “Dead Land”, “Dried Up”, “Discontent”

-He was crippled in both feet, because someone else failed him.

I think the coolest part of this story is David’s response to Mephy by saying he always has a place at his table, and by bringing him out of Lo-Debar and restoring to him all he had lost what David is actually saying is “What they did TO you has nothing to do with what I want to do FOR you.” So many times in our lives we blame the short-falls of others in our lives for not fulfilling our calling. But we have a King who doesn’t even acknowledge what’s been done to us, all He says is “Go get them, and bring them to me. They have a place in my palace and my kingdom, always”.

This story was probably a good one for me to read as far as Old Testament goes because 1. It doesn’t involve poop coming out of anyone’s belly button and 2. It is the Gospel personified.