On behalf of Christians, I'd like to say I'm sorry.

I know, I know. I already wrote a holiday blog voicing all my frustrations about the war between "Happy Holidays" and "Merry Christmas". I also know that it's a bit overkill to have 2 holiday blogs posted before even the end of November. But as an avid lover of all things Christmas, I've noticed my usual holiday drive dampened a bit by thoughts of how us Christians have kinda given Christmas a bad name. I had a conversation with someone who told me quite frank that the thing she dreads most about Christmas is all the annoying Christians who think it's more about them than about God. I had to cringe a little when she said that, but I also had to take a little bit of ownership in it. I'm sure there are Christians who have indeed done just that, but regardless of their actions, I know their intent was to do something so much greater, but they just let themselves get in the way of it. So on behalf of all well intentioned, yet poor choice making Christians, I'd like to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that we will inevitably argue about stupid things like putting manger scenes on public property, and which phrase we think you should greet us with.

I'm sorry that we have decided that this whole month only belongs to our holiday. I'm sorry that we forget that you might have a holiday you're family celebrates this month as well.

I'm sorry that we've been so busy with our yard signs and bumper stickers and ugly sweaters that we've forgotten to tell you the reason why we get so worked up over something as silly as a simple shorthand phrase, or a nonchalant greeting.

I'm sorry about the irony of it all, because according to our own beliefs this is a time to come together. To be unified. To reflect on one of the most amazing feats in all of history. Instead of hammering down our picket signs, we should be telling you about the most incredible act of humility ever known to man. Instead of correcting your wording and merely saying that we know the "reason for the season" we should be making that reason so undeniably clear to you and telling you incredible stories of joy and hope. I'm sorry we forget to do that.

I'm talking about the incarnation. The "reason for the season" if you will. The word incarnation literally means "To make into flesh". The apostle John said it like this "In the beginning was the word, and the word became flesh" then goes on to say that "No one has ever seen God" but that Jesus has "made God known"

You might be thinking "So what?" But here's what that really means, if you want to know what God is like, just look at Jesus.

Jesus, the one who used what should have been a scandal as an opportunity to set both the oppressed, and the oppressors free.

Jesus, the guy who hung out with prostitutes, and criminals, and low-lifes.

Jesus, who broke the cultural rules and religious laws just to heal a hurting life.

Jesus, the one who loved the least of these.

Jesus, the one who bridged the gap between Jew and Gentiles.

Jesus, the one who treated women with love and gentleness and respect.

Jesus, the one who knew that the future was in the hands of the children. And that we better make darn sure we love them, and love them well.

Jesus who loved.

Jesus who prayed.

Jesus who served.

Jesus who wept.

Jesus, the one who was willingly murdered so that you could break the chains of addiction, of shame, of guilt, of your past, of people who have wronged you and of those who you yourself have wronged.

Theologian Elton Trueblood said it like this "The historic Christian doctrine of the divinity of Christ does not simply mean that Jesus is like God, it is far more radical than that. It means that God, is like Jesus.

This must mean that God suffered. God wept. God loved the poor, and the sick, and the hungry, and the untouchable. God came to us. It means that God loved us so much, that he gave us his words. Then when words weren't enough He took on flesh and became the story.

He loved us enough, to be like us.

I don't know about you, but if I didn't already know Jesus, I'd be way more interested in that story than one of proper greetings and ugly sweaters. 

The Early Church and Fighting Like Siblings.

I’ve been a little okay, super frustrated lately.

I won’t go into detail really since most of my frustrations involve relationships with people that I love and respect mightily and it would absolutely break my heart if they misunderstood my frustrations. But, none-the-less I knew I had to address my frustrations somehow because other wise my flight instinct would kick in and before I knew it I would be somewhere lounging in a hammock in Colombia.

How do I know that? Well because the moment I realized I had to change something was when I started Googling the cost of living in Colombia immediately after mentally replaying all my relational frustrations and not being able to find a reasonable solution.

I knew I had to re-evaluate my plan of attack, because frankly though I've never personally visited, my friends make it sound like a fairly enjoyable place but I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't last 10 minutes in Colombia. My tendency to get sort of bitchy when the thermostat reads anything over 70 mixed with my very rational fear of anything that crawls or has more legs than necessary are both very important factors and definite deal breakers to the whole "Move to Colombia" thing.

Thinking about my frustrations further, now with the hope of fleeing to Colombia squashed, I suddenly realized that Christians live under a fanciful notion that no one in the early church ever disagreed with another. I’m not picking on you, clearly my Google search history over the past couple of weeks would quickly suggest that I too live under the same fictional notion.

I often imagine the early apostles sitting in a circle cross legged, politely nibbling on communion bread, smiling and nodding as they discussed how to apply the teachings and stories of Jesus to their own lives. It's a pretty picture however I have no idea where it came from, because it certainly didn't originate from the epistles. No, the epistles would strongly suggest quite the opposite. They would tell us that anytime you take a large group of people from different ethnic, religious and socio-economic backgrounds, there is always going to be a bit of friction, maybe some frustration, and yes- even hurt feelings.

If there wasn't then I don’t think Paul would have ever had to urge the church in Ephesus to “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” Then follow up on that statement with acknowledging that the church was made up of “Apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.”

So, basically what Paul was saying was that we’re not there yet. We’re still growing, and anytime there’s growth there is inevitably going to be growing pains. But instead of addressing the growing pains he simply urged them to love one another through the growing pains, because “then we will no longer be infants.. Instead speaking the truth in love we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does it’s work."

I think Paul was onto something when he was writing those letters. He must have known that unity is not synonymous with uniformity.He also probably knew that we would eventually find a way to confuse the two.

He knew we weren't called to agree; we were called to love.

We’re not called to never have any differences; we’re just called to love.

We're not called to never have hurt feelings or misunderstandings; we're called to love. 

We’re not even called to get along all the time; we’re only called to love. 

So maybe differences and frustrations within the church and within relationships are not necessarily a sign of decay, but rather of growth and maturity.

With all of this in mind I will make a stronger effort to better cling onto Romans 14:19 and 12:18 as a personal mantra and make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification and to live at peace with others as far as it depends on me. I will be devoted to the intentional act of respect and I will stop looking at these people who I love through the lens of frustration or of hurt feelings but rather through the eyes of Christ. I will remember that we are in every sense of the term brothers and sisters, which means we’re gonna annoy each other like them too, until the day of completion and that is perfectly fine.

Why You Should Be More Like Martha.

Don’t get me wrong I could totally learn how to sit at the feet of Jesus more often. Actually come to think of it, it probably wouldn't hurt if I could learn to sit still more often in general. If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m a bit fidgety and I kind of have a short attention span. Oh well. Anyways, we all know that Martha has come to negatively represent the busyness and distractions of the world, while Mary is praised over and over for choosing the “better thing.” I don’t need to tell you that we should all be more like Mary and less like Martha in that manner. If you've been a Christian for any significant amount of time you've already heard a hundred sermons telling you the same thing. And while they are not necessarily wrong in their theology, I mean it certainly isn't a bad thing to want to be content and still before God. I still can’t help but feel bad for Martha, she’s kind of gotten a bad rap in it all.

Those sermons come from this popular passage in Luke 10.

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. And she had a sister called Mary who sat at the Lords feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Then tell her to help me” But the Lord answered her “Martha, Martha you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary Mary Has chosen the good portion and it shall not be taken away from her” Luke 10:38-42 [Emphasis added]

Think about it for a minute. Do you really think it was a cultural norm for a woman to take a break from her hostessing duties, and not only directly address the Guest of Honor but also insist that he have a word with one of the households family members about their behavior? (Not to mention the fact that she clearly said loud enough for at least one witness to hear it well enough to write a story about it.) I’m going to say no, it wasn't.

Here’s what tends to get misunderstood about my pal Martha. She’s a strong woman. Not a rebellious one.

She welcomes Jesus into her home, addresses him directly and rather candidly, with out fear of reproach and then get this, He answers her with love, and respect not with rebuke.

Put that in your “women should be silent" pipe and smoke it.

(Relax, it's a joke.)

The story in Luke 10 wasn't even like a one time slip up for Martha. Later on when her brother, Lazarus dies we are told she gets up, leaves her home and all those who came to mourn only to track Jesus down and confront him with these words "Lord, if you would have been here my brother would not have died. Even now I know that whatever you ask from God will be given to you." (John 11:21)

If you ask me, that is one of the most complete statements of faith in all the Gospels. And again, you see Martha stepping out and speaking up and Mary staying back. Yet neither of them are corrected for their response.

I think most people would probably be more like Mary in this situation. Quietly crying on the sidelines, completely undone by grief. I know I used to think that would be my reaction. But after reading this story again with a new found respect for Martha, I can‘t really deny that I see more of myself in the way she responds to tragedy. She was frustrated with Jesus’ delay, while struggling not only with the concept of resurrection but also with who she believed Jesus to be. Then we see her  hesitant to open a tomb because of the smell. Um, that has me written all over it. Doubt, Frustration and a strong disdain to anything smelly.

As much as I’d like to think that in response to hearing that Jesus is coming I would be somewhere patiently awaiting for him to come to me, I have to admit that realistically I’d be the one who marches out to see Him, especially if I had something to say to him.

Yes it’s true Martha is easily distracted with her work, and that’s not a trait any body longs for. However I don’t think she gets enough credit, if any for that matter, for her boldness to ignore the cultural norms and break the mold for gender expectations. So I will try to sit at the feet of Jesus more often, but I won’t totally neglect my inner Martha, because I’m actually quite fond of her.

Tug of War, Numbers, and Days with out Incident Counters.

“Your church is really into the numbers aren't they?”

This statement was made by a good friend of mine, who has the common problem a lot of people tend to have, she lacks a filter. She wasn't trying to sound judgmental, or rude, even though she did. To give her some credit, I don’t even think she realized it sounded rude until the end of our conversation.

To go back to what sparked that comment, I simply just told her that it was a good Sunday at our church, we had 10 people publicly give their life to Christ, about 5 others that made the same decision, but chose not to come up front. I told her that I had about 6 visitors come to get coffee from me, and 2 people asked me about baptism.

Note to self: Apparently when people ask “How’s church going?” it’s the Christian equivalent to “What‘s up” and your supposed to respond with something as surface level as possible.  

“Hmm, I guess so!”  I wasn't trying to avoid the conversation. Really I wasn't, I simply was hoping she would hear the “I-just-want-to-get-my-pumpkin-spice-latte-with-out-any-offenses-caused” tone in my voice. Alas, no such luck. Apparently filter malfunctions also come with a glitch in the “tone-reader.” Good to know.

“Why is that?”

My hopes for an offense free Starbucks run was quickly squashed with that question. I guess I could have given some simple hard-to-argue with answer like “I don’t know, just is”. But I could tell that this was more than small talk, she was genuinely curious about why I would spend any energy counting visitor cards and bodies.

“It's pretty simple, we count people because people count”- (Not to put words in His mouth, but that had to be The Lord- I am not that smooth)

“Oh I just don’t really see it in scripture or anything, but I guess everyone has their own convictions right?”

Now, here is where you should be proud of me. I desperately wanted to ask her if she’s even read scripture when it hasn't been spoon fed to her from the pulpit. But I mustered up enough grace to leave that little comment out. Oh wait, I guess that would be Jesus too huh? Either way, I was able to quote several places where Jesus was in fact concerned with numbers.

I’ll save the dialogue, but basically reminded her of several times in the book of Acts where they counted how many were added to the number daily. Also, the story of the fish and the bread isn't called “Jesus fed a random large group” it’s titled (if your bible does that) Jesus feeds 5,000. Meaning, he knew there were 5,000.

I could probably ask Siri for a dozen more examples, but that’s all I was able to recall in the Starbucks waiting line.

Here’s the thing, I don’t really care if your church cares about numbers or not. I know I do, and I know newLife does- beyond that I really don't care. I wasn't irritated that she was challenging my church’s number philosophy. I didn't even care that she was challenging my own philosophy. I was bothered that it even mattered.

So many times, the conversations I have with other believers feels like an endless, childish game of tug of war. So many times the goal of the game isn't to simply stand still- it’s to gain ground. 

Every single time I have these conversations, it’s only after the rope breaks and we’re both flat on our butt that I can see the rope burns on my own hands. Our stupid flesh wants to constantly battle, our pride wants to know that we‘re right The flesh constantly is saying "Prove them wrong. Have a back bone!" While the spirit says “Be still. Be patient. Have some self-control.” 

I’m speaking to myself here, so often I want to prove my point, be heard, be understood, gain some freakin’ ground. But ask me how many times conversations like this end with me feeling like I've accomplished something? How many times has someone actually seen my point? Understood where I was coming from? How many times can I say God was glorified by our tugging? Um, none. Nope. Not even once. 

It’s not these pointless disagreements that bring believers closer together. It’s the times that I've sat down, guard down, heart opened, and really listened. It’s the conversations that didn't start with an offense, or a challenge, but instead started when someone showed a piece of themselves. A piece that they knew I could use against them, but they trusted me not to. The conversations where the sole purpose, is to edify, encourage, strengthen, grow. Can these conversations sting? You bet! Not nearly as bad as a rope burn though.

So why in the world do I constantly find myself in the other? Why do I even bother with the unnecessary? I have no idea. Because it wasn't until I left the coffee shop, and was half way home before I regretted picking up that rope again. In the aftermath, it’s easy to see how silly it is to be defensive, it’s easy to see how ugly my heart was. Even though God gave me the grace to not verbalize my ugliness, doesn't mean it wasn't still there. 

God’s word makes it pretty clear, several times over, that He does not want us to play tug-of-war… 

Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry -James 1:19

Better is a person with patience than a warrior. One with self control than one who takes a city. Proverbs 16:32

Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them. Proverbs 29:20 

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification, do not tear down the work of God for the sake of food. Romans 14:19-20 

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:16

So this is what I will aim for. To live at peace as long as it depends on me, to be patient, and slow to speak, to seek mutual edification. I won’t tear down the work of God for the sake of food, or numbers or anything else for that matter. If I fail,  when I fail, I will simply rest in the fact that his mercy is new every single morning. With that in mind, when another tug of war conversation creeps up, and I fall short once again, I will simply do as the Hulk would do and reset my “Days with out incident” counter back to 1 and start from scratch.

You might be a whore if.....

I know, it’s not nice to call people whores. Sorry bout that.

But have you ever read the book of Hosea? If you haven’t, I suggest you do. If you have, you’ve probably noticed what I noticed, that it kinda calls us all whores. Don’t believe me? Check it out

Hosea 1:2-3
When the LORD first spoke through Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea, “Go, take to yourself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom, for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the Lord” So he went and took Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim and she conceived and bore him a son.

Next they have some kids and give them some rather unfortunate names and then,

The LORD said to me, Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the LORD loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins” So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and a homer and a lethech of barley and I said to her “you must dwell as mine for many days. You shall not play the whore or belong to another man; so will I also be to you”- Hosea 3:1-3

Apparently romance and sweet talking wasn’t Hosea’s strong suit.

But more so than Hosea’s lack of swag, this is a beautiful symbol of the greatest of all unlikely marriages. Jesus and His Bride, the Church. 

Correct me if I'm wrong but if Hosea and Gomer are supposed to be a picture of Jesus and the church. Doesn’t that mean that we are playing the whore in the story?

If your offended by that then I’m guessing you don’t really know the definition of a whore. 

Whore (n): Person who is promiscuous; who pursues fulfillment from multiple sources.

See you might be sitting there like I was when I read this story justifying why that isn’t you. You don’t worship other gods. That’d be ridiculous. You know that Buddha & Allah are not actually God. For goodness’ sake you’re a Christian!

But just because you don’t spend time worshiping a well known god, doesn’t mean you don’t spend time worshiping your own gods. 

I know calling you a whore and an idol worshiper isn’t the best way to make friends. So I included a list of small gods of my own. While I can relate to these personally I think they are idols that tempt all Christians. 

1. Being Christian
That’s right. We’ve made an idol out of religion. We listen to our Christian radio, while wearing our Christian T-Shirts, driving our Christian car that has the Christian bumper sticker on it, going to our Christian pot-luck, to hang out with our Christian friends, thinking our Christian thoughts, drinking our Christian latte, Speaking our Christian-ese into our Christian Smart Phone…you get the picture. We’re more in pursuit of a label than a relationship. 

2. Being Good
Is it just me or does the term “Good Moral Christian” bother anyone else? We have consumed ourselves with being good, doing good, saying good, thinking good, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that. Except when it’s all about us and our ability and our control. See morality says “Now that you’ve found Jesus, kindly step into this very neat, clean box”. But here’s the problem, nothing about the Christian faith is perfectly neat and clean cut. My Christian walk isn’t going to look like your Christian walk. Because everyone has their own messes to clean up. Morality presents the idea of conformity. Because it focus’s on our man made standard over His divine example.

3. Knowledge
Scripture is great isn’t it? It’s one of the many tools God gave us so that we could be intimate with him. I don’t know about you but I’m really glad we have scripture. I had this teacher in Bible college who I absolutely adored. Her first assignment was for us to describe what our Christian walk would look like if suddenly all the bibles in the entire world disappeared. The point was to help us realize that while head knowledge is great, it can’t compete with Heart knowledge. But so many Christians search the scriptures religiously to simply know more. Not understand more. They want to religiously study all scripture just to say that they have studied all scripture. To sound holier. To look more Christian. To have better “tweets”. Whatever it is, they don’t have the right heart attitude. I definitely believe that we gain heart knowledge by reading what God’s word says. But if we are selfishly reading God’s word to just know more, and not sharing more or doing more or praying more, then we’ve severely missed the point.

4. Ministry.
I’m so stinkin’ guilty of this one. I easily grade how Saved I am by how good whatever ministry I am doing is going. Of course there’s no “Check Points for Ministerial Success” worksheet in the bible so I just have to judge it up against my man made list of what success should look like. You know like, how much recognition I’m getting for it, how many people vocalize how much they appreciate my hard work, and how many times I do little things that get noticed. Does it sound super sinful yet? Cause it is. It easily becomes more about work and less about faith. There are sometimes that I get it right, and then I get super encouraged because I know that it’s not me who did that. Because if people are getting reached and Jesus is being shared then that’s gotta be Him, I’m not that smart. I’m actually dumb enough to try and work out of an empty useless cup rather than take a day off to go to the Source that can refill that cup. Because that’s just our stupid human fleshy logic. And unfortunately it makes us whores. Bummer.


So while calling someone a whore isn’t exactly the best way to promote a blog. It’s the best picture of our dirty, gross, human state that I can think of. 

Here’s the part of Hosea that really gets me. We’re taught by scripture that adultery is a “biblical ground” for divorce. We almost have come to expect it in Christian marriage. If one person commits adultery, then we comfort the other by telling them they have biblical grounds to forsake that vow. It’s totally true, according to Matthew 5:32 they do. But here’s something I think we forget to realize when throwing around that scripture, Jesus is supposed to be our perfect example for everything in this life. We are His bride (Ephesians 5:25) and we have committed adultery against Him, in the sense of idol worship. Yet, never once has Jesus thought about divorce. No, instead He has the complete opposite response to our unfaithfulness…

And I will make for them a covenant on that day with the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the creeping things of the ground. I will abolish the bow, the sword and war from the land and I will make you lie down in safety. I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness and you shall know the Lord. Hosea 2:18-20


So let’s stop whorin' around. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I tried, really I did.) But seriously, let’s stop giving our money, and our attention, and our energy, and our praise to things that in the eternal scheme of things really don’t matter. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want it to be said of me that I have “Forgotten my first Love”.

Surrendering Sucks.

One gives freely, yet grows all the richer, 

another withholds what he should have given and 

only suffers want.

 Proverbs 11:24

Ever have a conversation with someone and nothing gets accomplished aside from feeling frustrated and exhausted? I know I certainly have. You can feel so defeated, like you just wasted so much precious time and breath. You walk away shaking your head, wishing you didn’t even open your mouth. Especially if the person you’re trying to talk to is as stubborn as me. 

This is exactly how I imagined God felt after sharing with me his 31 little pieces of “wisdom”.  Frustrated, exhausted and frankly, sorry He ever brought it up.

(Luckily God is way more gracious than my little human brain gives Him credit for.) 

Though none of it was exactly news to me. I’ve read these 31 books before. Except normally my sole purpose is to simply find a clever one liner that‘s tweet worthy. Other times it’s only to find the perfectly worded little saying, short and sweet enough to paint on a piece of wood. But as of late I’m trying to read through these catchy snippets of wisdom from a different perspective. As I do this I’m beginning to see that it’s not quite as cute and clever as I once thought. Not only that but it kind of thinks I’m a fool. A big fat stinky one, with a gold ring in my nose to be exact.

To top it off, it has to go and make things personal.

You see there’s this thing that I’ve kind of been holding on to. Okay, really holding on to. It’s as if I can see God holding out his hand for it and instead of just handing it over to Him, I slowly hide it behind my back, tighten my awkward grip, and walk backwards shaking my head. 

Did you just imagine a two year old with an illicit candy bar tucked into it‘s tiny fist? Because that’s kind of how I feel.

Now if I was reading these cleverly crafted words with my old perspective, I would have simply gotten out the checkbook, filled in the blanks, and checked it off my imaginary “Not a fool” list. But unfortunately taking this new approach to the scripture means I can’t just stop at the superficial.

Maybe Solomon was in fact just talking about money and gifts in this little aphorism. Maybe I’m reading way too much into it. 

Or could it be that the riches he’s talking about is the treasures we find when we completely surrender all of ourselves to Him, letting His plan for our life take precedence? Perhaps the wealth He’s referring to comes from the Peace that surpasses our understanding as we watch God take our small things and turn them into Kingdom things. Maybe it’s referring to the rich trophy of him saying, “Well done, good and faithful servant”. Maybe, just maybe, He just wants to be My reward.

So surrendering will always suck, but I'll wave that silly little white flag as many times as I have to if it means He gets the Glory. 

(Just in case I didn't get the picture the first time, this nice little song also decided to play first on my playlist)

Go and Sin no more.... or Not.

When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman where she was in the center of the court. Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you? She said, “No one Lord” And Jesus said “I do not condemn you either. Go, and sin no more”- John 8:9-11

How’s that going for you? That whole “Go and sin no more” thing?

Cause for me, it’s not really going so good.

I still curse others with one breath and then praise God with the next. I still rebel against authority. I still talk a big game about reaching the lost, then go back to my safe little walls. I still complain about things God’s blessed me with. I still think others have it better. I still am way quicker to speak than I am to listen. I still eat food when I’m not hungry and buy clothes I don’t need. I still fall short. I still keep others at an arms length. I still doubt God’s goodness, and I still question His grace. I still demand to see the wounds in his hands before taking Him at His word. I gently step over the scattered stones laid down, forgiven and free. I go, but I don’t exactly “sin no more”.

Let’s go back a couple verses

“Teacher” they said to Him, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the law Moses commanded us to stone such a woman, so what do You say?” They asked this to trap him, in order that they might accuse him.- John 8:4-6

It’s easy to turn up my nose at these puritans, with their stones raised to this poor girl. I'd personally like to think that I’d have more grace and compassion than them. It’s easy to think I’d be standing behind Jesus as he drew in the sand. Arms crossed and hackles raised. Angered by their injustice and overwhelmed by their hardened hearts. As much as we love to criticize their motives, we also love to forget that they were simply doing the biblical thing.

“If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife- with the wife of his neighbor- both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death”- Leviticus 20:10

It’s really quite foolish of me to think that I’d have any more grace. I’m just as legalistic as them. I’m just better at hiding my stones. I can sit here and turn my nose up at their purity etiquette and moral codes all day long, but really they aren’t any different than the long list of “holiness rules & regulation” we’ve instilled in our own little world. Sure the Pharisees had rules about what they could and couldn’t wear, how they should wash their hands, when they should wash their hands, what they could and couldn’t eat, who they could and couldn’t touch. But we do the same thing when we assign a label to the girl who just walked in our church wearing too short of a skirt. We do the same thing when we place conditions on God’s grace, and rules on his mercy. We do the same exact thing when we claim to love Him, but then ignore His people. We’ve even made up our own codes for how to handle sin we’ve deemed more severe than our own. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know who’s worse; the Pharisee’s or the modern day Christian.

I can’t wait to get to heaven and ask Jesus what he drew in the sand that day.  I wonder if it was a list of the Pharisees sins, or maybe a cool “one-liner” about how the law was given through Moses, but Grace came through the carpenter.


“Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her”

I wish I hated my own sins as much as I hate everybody else’s.

At first my theological ego was rubbed a little wrong when I read this verse "Go and Sin no more" Surely he didn't actually mean that. Surely He had to know that all he was doing was just setting the poor girl up for failure. But regardless of what I or any of my alter-ego's would like to believe, Jesus does in fact call us to be perfect. In Matthew 5:48 He says "Be perfect, therefore as your heavenly Father is perfect" So he really does want us to Go and Sin no more. But just because He calls us to it, doesn't mean we will disappoint Him when we fall short because we will indeed fall short.

I think my biggest issue with this story is the point of view from which we retell it from. We don’t tell it as the Pharisee’s would. We don’t tell it like the sinner who saw redemption first hand would. No. Out of all the people in this story, we’ve decided we’re most like Jesus. 

We’re not taking this story and celebrating our redemption. 

We’re not taking this story and second guessing our harsh verdicts.

All we’ve done is turn this story into a stone.

I think it’s a little obvious that we’ve completely missed the point.

It's the end of the world as we know it.....

So, I guess I should start this post off with a couple disclaimers.

1. Eschatology is not my expertise by any standard.
2. I don’t care what you eat.

There now that you’re probably thoroughly confused where this post is going, let me explain.

Last night I made a face book post that was supposed to be funny and light hearted but apparently came across slightly passive aggressive. Shocker. For those of you too cool for Facebook here is the post;

Oops almost forgot another day of thanks! I think this is day 4, But I’ve forgotten like 2 or 3 of them, so I’m not really sure; all I know is day 30 is a long ways off.

1. I'm thankful that my husband constantly demonstrates that I'm his #1 ministry, even if it means being at the church at 10 o clock at night because I was whiney/needy/annoying yesterday :-) 
2. I'm thankful for the abundance of pumpkin spice everything that's coming my way soon- and no, I don't really care if it uses real pumpkin or not. Jesus is coming back for me weather or not I eat HFCS.
3. I'm thankful for my church family. I know I already said this one but I saw a couple of posts this week that have made me that much more grateful for a church that not only teaches the bible accurately but focuses more on love and  less on shame.

You would think the offense would come from that statement basically saying that some of my Facebook friends don’t go to bible-teaching, love-doing churches. But no, it was the one about High Fructose Corn Syrup that got under peoples skin. Whatever.

I was referring to the article that’s gone viral all about how the big bad wolfs at Starbucks don’t actually use “real pumpkin” in their pumpkin spice latte and how all the naturalists are freaked out by it, while your typical college aged white girls (ahem) are just excited for the return of the deliciously over sweetened well caffeinated beverage. Now, here is where my second disclaimer comes in, I don’t care what you eat. If you only want to eat organic everything then be my guest, if you want to live off of Taco Bell and McChickens, then more power to you. I really don’t care. 

Now, for my first disclaimer, eschatology is not something I spend a ton of time talking about or studying. I’ve studied just enough to know that Jesus is going to at some point return, but first some stuff has to hit the proverbial fan. By the way if that sounds like you- save yourself a couple grand and don’t go to bible college. They will look at you like you have ten heads when you don’t know/care if you are pre-trib, mid-trib or post -trib and then spend the remainder of the semester trying to convince you of which category you should fall into. 

However, I do know that over and over in scripture we see people asking Jesus “When” and he over and over responds with “Don’t worry about when, just be ready”.  Maybe this is where my frustration comes in when I hear some well-meaning evangelist proclaim that the end is near. Not only is that a terribly optimistic thing to say, but one would think someone who knows enough scripture to know that some of the things going on today were predicted 2000 years ago would also know enough to be a little more “ready”. But alas, they are not. 

Remember the whole 2012 thing? How people thought that some how the Mayans had it all figured out with their cave-wall schedule? Or my personal favorite, in 1999 when the world was supposed to somehow just shut off due to a mere computer glitch? 

The point is, that more people are focused on predicting the “when” than they are on “being ready”. I honestly think that if we truly believed Jesus Christ could return any minute, any hour, any day we wouldn’t waste so much time on things that don’t matter. For example, what kind of chemicals are in our pumpkin spice latte, or sleeping in, exercising, climbing the corporate ladder, checking twitter, DIY-ing, saving money, investing, instagramming our meals and whatever else non-important things we fill our days with. Now, by no means are any of those things bad nor am I saying I’ve not done any of those. I’m saying that I see so many Christians, myself included, proclaiming that Christ’s return is right around the corner but then still living as if it’s not. 

You know this whole “it‘s the end of the world as we know it” thing isn’t just for believers, if it was that awful 158 minutes of the movie “2012” wouldn’t have made the millions it did. But to be completely honest, I think the non-believers are more at peace with the end of the world than most Christians are. Terrible theology, I know. I understand that the end of the world means a lot more to the Christian than to the unbeliever, but I also think we can learn a thing or two about the way the unbelievers have come to terms with it, and therefore live their lives in a disorderly “YOLO” fashion. 

So we know what the unbelievers would do if they knew the end of the world was right around the corner, but what about us? The ambassadors of Christ? What would we do if we knew our window of opportunity was rapidly slamming shut?

Would we actually start being the hands and feet of our local churches?

Would we erase the battle lines we’ve drawn between us and our gay friends and just spend the last couple days loving them?

Would we lay down our theological differences and doctrinal debates long enough to just join hands?

Or would we continue on in our own selfish pride and desire to be proven right? I’m afraid that too many of us would, now that the eschatology and revelation-esque debates would have taken on a new zeal.

The truth is, none of us know how it will go down. But I can take a wild stab in the dark that on the day that Jesus does come back for His bride we won’t be worried about who was wrong and who was right, instead the sight of our Beloved will be more than we can bear and we will be consumed with His glory. The same Glory that should be consuming our actions right now. 

So if these really are the last days, and everywhere we look we see proof of that then I suggest we start acting like it. That means laying down the things that will fade along with this world like our theology, pumpkin spice lattes, and other selfish desires- and instead come together hand in hand, ready for battle. Not a battle of right vs. wrong but rather a battle for the souls that are lost. Coming together in one accord, to see his Kingdom come, His will be done. So let’s do it.

I'm not a "Sinner saved by grace"

Okay, we've all heard Christians say it and if we are honest we've probably said it ourselves once or twice "I'm just a sinner saved by grace". You've probably said it to your unbelieving friends to make it seem like you guys are the same, both sinners just one has found the redeeming love of Christ.

I'm sorry to be a bubble burster and probably a button pusher, but that is just not true.

I don't see the bible ever referring to followers of Christ as sinners, in the present tense. Actually it calls them something quite different. You've sinned, yes- but God doesn't call you a sinner. No, he calls you a saint.

I absolutely 100% believe that Christ died for us while we were still sinners. But I think it's an insult to the Cross to think that he died for us so that we could remain sinners.

Paul refers to himself as the foremost of all sinners, needing salvation that much more. Then in James it does talk about sinners, but it's specifically referring to people who have walked away from The Lord and are currently practicing and choosing sin.

So if Jesus Christ, the foundation and perfect example of this Christian walk, never calls those who love him "sinners" why should we?

One thing that seems to be an ever growing trend in Christian culture is to show false humility. As if that's somehow going to win people to Christ. Think about it; is it the humility of Christ that draws us to him or the power of Christ? I am not saying humility is a bad thing or even that we should overlook or downplay Christs humility; but honestly was it the idea of a helpless babe in a manger that won you over to Christianity? Or was it His power to not merely make bad people good but take it a step further and make dead people alive? What good does it do for the kingdom to cling to the exact identity the cross has redeemed you from?

I can't help but think that we desperately have this whole saint vs sinner thing confused, and here is proof;

"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin we have one who speaks to the father in our defense-- Jesus Christ" 1 John 2:1

Or how about this one;

"And having been set free from sin have become slaves to righteousness"- Romans 6:18

Think about that; let that trip you out for a minute.

Not only are we not called sinners but we have within us the power to never sin again.

Now by no means am I saying that Christians are perfect, or that we should be. But just by putting your trust in The One who has never sinned, you have been given access to that freedom. So by saying your a sinner saved by grace your completely depriving yourself of the power freely given to you.

I think Paul said it best "But if, in our endeavor to be justified in Christ, we too were found to be sinners, is Christ then a servant of sin? Certainly not!”- Galatians 2:17

Certainly not.

There's a place for you at the table

So this actually isn’t what I was going to write about today, but I was going through some old journals and sermon notes and I came across a page that just said;

2 Samuel 9:3-5 – Blessing someone can turn bitter things, into beautiful things.

That caught my attention. Now, granted it probably was the start of a Rich Wilkerson Jr podcast that I forgot to finish, since it’s not exactly common for me to willingly read an Old Testament story much less like, understand it. So I decided to go back and actually read 2 Samuel 9.

Here’s what it says:

 David asked, "Is there anyone remaining from Saul's family I can show kindness to because of Jonathan?" There was a servant of Saul's family named Ziba. They summoned him to David, and the king said to him, "Are you Ziba?" "[I am] your servant," he replied.  So the king asked, "Is there anyone left of Saul's family I can show the kindness of God to?" Ziba said to the king, "There is still Jonathan's son who is lame in both feet."  The king asked him, "Where is he?" Ziba answered the king, "You'll find him in Lo-debar at the house of Machir son of Ammiel." So King David had him brought from the house of Machir son of Ammiel in Lo-debar.  Mephibosheth son of Jonathan son of Saul came to David, bowed down to the ground and paid homage. David said, "Mephibosheth!" "I am your servant," he replied.  "Don't be afraid," David said to him, "since I intend to show you kindness because of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all your grandfather Saul's fields, and you will always eat meals at my table." Mephibosheth bowed down and said, "What is your servant that you take an interest in a dead dog like me?" (2 Samuel 9:1-9 HCSB)

Okay so here it says that Mephibosheth was lame in both feet, but it never tells you what happened to him to make him lame in both feet. So like any super holy, well rounded, bible knowledge seeker does, I googled it.

“2 Samuel 4:4- Saul's son Jonathan had a son whose feet were crippled. He was five years old when the report about Saul and Jonathan came from Jezreel. His nurse picked him up and fled, but as she was hurrying to flee, he fell and became lame. His name was Mephibosheth .  

Thanks google.

So here is what we know about Mephibosheth:

-He was destined to be King, but because someone else messed up, he lost that destiny.
-He literally lives in a land that name means “Pasture-less”, “Dead Land”, “Dried Up”, “Discontent”

-He was crippled in both feet, because someone else failed him.

I think the coolest part of this story is David’s response to Mephy by saying he always has a place at his table, and by bringing him out of Lo-Debar and restoring to him all he had lost what David is actually saying is “What they did TO you has nothing to do with what I want to do FOR you.” So many times in our lives we blame the short-falls of others in our lives for not fulfilling our calling. But we have a King who doesn’t even acknowledge what’s been done to us, all He says is “Go get them, and bring them to me. They have a place in my palace and my kingdom, always”.

This story was probably a good one for me to read as far as Old Testament goes because 1. It doesn’t involve poop coming out of anyone’s belly button and 2. It is the Gospel personified.

I Don't Like Jerks

Can I be really honest with you?

I've been a bit of a jerk lately.

You may not have noticed. People close to me may not have even noticed, but I know God noticed.

I know I've been a jerk lately because today I could tell my patience with my husband was out- yes out, not low, not running thin, it was non-existent, and he wasn't even awake yet. Poor guy.

So instead of risking saying something unkind to him and putting him in a foul mood before church where he had to go and try to serve and worship and minister and do life with other people -- I just left. I went to the church and tried to pray and worship and be holy. But I couldn't. I couldn't find the words to say or the songs that fit my mood so I just cried and then when I realized someone else (the pastor of all people) was in the church with me I quickly pulled myself together and distracted myself with my good friend "Pinny" (Pinterest). There is where I noticed the root of my jerkiness.

My friend pinned an adorable diaper bag on her "Coming Soon" board. Any normal human's response to this would be "Aww that's so cute!" Unfortunately, and much to my shame, that wasn't my reaction. I got really mad at her and started tearing apart the bag she chose and even tearing apart HER. Luckily she loves me and is rediculously holy and not only has forgiven me but also found my jerkiness hilarious. Because that's the kind of friends the Lord has blessed me with.

But in that moment it all made sense. I was being a jerk because with every baby announcement, every pink frilly dress and heaven knows with every "pin" I have created a diaper-bag sized gap between me and God.

I read an article called "10 ways to not be a jerk" a couple days ago before I had really noticed my jerkiness but I remember a quote in there that stuck out to me. The list more or less was the difference between humility and pride, and while most of the list convicted me one thing on there broke me.

"Proud people are concerned with the consequences of their sin; humble people are grieved over the root cause of their sin"

My jerkiness was because of my pride, which ultimately came out of my insecurities which came from my attitude towards God for not giving us a child even though we have tried and prayed and drank all the gross tea we could handle.

When I ran to the church and hid my hurting from not only my husband but also my church family, I was being more concerned with the fear of them seeing my jerkiness than I was with anyone seeing my brokenness. I was more focused on the fact that I had given all the energy I had to my idol instead of giving all my praise to God. 

So am I saying that I have now mastered the art of humility? No.
Am I saying that I will never be a jerk again? Definitely not.
But am I saying I've repented and God has not only forgiven me, but also comforted me in this? Absolutley.

The commonly misunderstood "Proverbs 31" woman and why I don't like her.

Today I want to talk about my two favorite people... Men and Women.

Originally when I started this blog, I solemnly swore to myself that I was to at all costs, avoid this topic to avoid controversy and ultimately avoid the possibility to have someone disagree with me publically on the World Wide Web. So what changed my mind you might ask? Who knows, maybe it’s the excessive amount of caffeine I’ve had today, or the confidence that’s been spoken into me lately, or maybe just a healthy mixture of the two. Either way, I’ve recently decided that I don’t care if you disagree. Actually, I welcome it.

I had a conversation with a woman the other day. This lady is bright, funny, beautiful, and recently found a genuine love for the Lord. She is a single mother of several grown children and is now discovering a new season of her life where she wants to re-enter the dating world.

She started talking about this man she is seeing and some of the flaws she is learning about him. Long story short, she basically thinks he is controlling, overbearing, slightly creepy, a tad stalker-ish, demeaning, and disrespectful of her and her ability to make her own choices. Sounds like a real winner. Then she made a comment about the struggle of wanting a “Godly-man” but isn’t into the whole “being submissive” thing. It’s just not her style. She joked that the “proverbs 31” wife died in the 50’s. Then she stated that God didn't create her to be "virtuous" he created her to be independent, strong-willed, loud and untamed. She had made it “too far on her own to be told what to do”.

I could spend a whole other post talking about this “Godly-Man” she’s found, who apparently is so godly that he doesn’t need to read the bible anymore, because he has every verse memorized and also doesn’t need a church body because he’s holy enough to only need time with Jesus. But for time, and frankly my blood pressures sake, I’ll just focus on her.

The sad truth is that this strong woman is going through life believing the identity the world has spoken over her instead of cultivating the true person God created her to be.

I asked her what she thought “being submissive” means, she said it’s being controlled. I asked her if she believed that women are to submit to their husbands. She said, yes, as long as he’s submitting to the Lord. That’s what scripture says, after all.

I looked up the verse she was referring to right there; Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord”. The amplified version actually says it better; “Wives, place yourselves under your husbands' authority in the same way YOU have placed YOURSELVES under the Lord's authority”

I’m not only supposed to submit to my husband IF he’s submitting to the Lord, because that’s not my judgment to make. If he leads our family against God’s will, that’s his problem. Not to sound harsh, but he is the one who has to answer for it. Obviously I’m not talking about blatant sin, if he tells me to go kill a guy for money…. I’m going to have to politely decline, and then probably call the police. I’m talking about in day to day situations where he is following what he believes to be God’s will for our family.

I then asked her if she thought the husband should lead the household. She said, “absolutely, if he’s better at it. But usually women are better at making decisions.”

It was obvious that she was oblivious. She was so caught up in the comfort of the lies she’s convinced herself of that she wasn’t going to hear any sound biblical correction. One thing I’m good at is knowing when to shut up. Actually, I take that back. I’m not very good at it at all so I usually just remain shut-up’ed. Either way you want to look at it, I quit casting my pearls before swine.

I want to share with you some of the ways my husband leads me, in hopes that if you have the unfortunate misunderstandings that this lady has that it can help you see that being lead isn’t “being controlled” and it’s actually not at all what the world will try to tell you it is.

He is undoubtedly, every time, without question the first to apologize, even if I was in the wrong. He is the first to seek reconciliation.

He has never once raised his voice to me.

He tells me, and then shows me, that our marriage is his number one ministry

He knows when to be firm with me without ever demeaning me, fathering me, or patronizing me.

He never speaks poorly of me.

He never speaks poorly of our marriage.

He never speaks poorly of marriage in general.

He attempts every single day to love me as Christ loves the church

He makes decisions with me and in prayer, not as some rogue agent.

He does not lead from a place of self-satisfaction or self-exaltation, but from a place of self-sacrifice.

He is almost always annoyingly patient and unbelievably kind.

He makes me feel safe and protected.

He never accuses me or brings up old wrongs.

He tells me he loves me again and again, and again, and again, and then again. (It's like he knows my love language is words of affirmation or something.)

He represents Christ’s love as best as he can and if he feels as though he’s fallen short he seeks forgiveness immediately.

I know it may sound like I’m bragging (and I might be a little bit) but I’m not at all saying my husband is perfect. Or that he makes perfect decisions every single time, because that's just not true. Okay, so the only times he really hasn’t made great decisions is the times he decided to let me make decisions, but that’s a different story. Anyways, he’s not perfect but he was created perfectly for me.

I want with everything that’s in me to break this feministic idea that women are weak if they are submissive, and that men are controlling if they take the lead.

Did you know that in Proverbs 31 where it talks about the “Virtuous wife, who can find?” The word “virtuous” that’s used there is actually the Hebrew word “Chayil” and that that particular verse is one of the only times it’s translated as “Virtuous”? Almost every other time it’s used it’s translated as Army (54 times) or Valor (37 times) or Might (21 times). In almost every other verse that it is used in it's associated with the strength one needs for battle. So this idea that women have to be weak, walked all over, church mice is not only annoying, it’s unbiblical.

Sure “Virtue” or “Moral Purity” as it’s defined, is important for character. But I think what the young Lemuel's mom is telling him to look for is a woman strong enough to go through all of life's battles with. What loving mother would tell her son to find a wife like the weak annoying doormat some well-meaning, but still incorrect, Christians created the “proverbs 31” wife to be?

I wasn’t able to change her mind; actually I wouldn’t really be surprised if she didn’t hear a word I said. I saw her eyes glaze over as soon as I pointed out what scripture actually says. Still, my prayer is that through the few words she might have heard of mine I planted a tiny seed of hope in her that she can still be this strong woman she is confident of AND still be deserving of a God inspired, Christ honoring, relationship.

Confessions of a Prodigal Daughter

If you’ve been in church any amount of time, you’ve probably heard the term “prodigal son”. Which of course is referring to the parable in Luke 15, where a son leaves his father, squanders his inheritance and then realizes where he’s gone wrong and comes back to be re-united with his family.

I like to do word studies. I like to take note of words that stick out to me and see where they come from and what they mean in other languages. I decided to do this with the word “prodigal” after reading the story in Luke 15 earlier this week.

Now the word “prodigal” isn’t actually used in scripture, but we know what we are referring to when we use it. We typically use it when talking about someone who was close with God, and then walked away, but now is back in church.

After looking up the real meaning of the word “prodigal” it hit me, I am a prodigal daughter.

Yes, I had a season where I was struggling to understand the Christian life and after being exposed to a rather legalistic side of Christianity I decided that it wasn’t for me and I tried to find anything else that would fit me better. That didn’t get me anywhere so by God’s grace, I came back to Him, reunited and restored with a better understanding of what it means to be one of His Children. But, there’s more to it than that.

Prodigal: [prod-i -guhl] ;Adj.
       1. Giving or yielding with wasteful extravagance
       2. Spending money or substance recklessly

 So you see it wasn’t my return to the Father that makes me a “prodigal daughter”. It’s the fact that I recklessly wasted His riches. I took the gifts He gave me and wasted them, for my own purposes. What he intended to be used to further His kingdom, I squandered on the world.

For example, He gave me hope, and I lost it.

He gave me wisdom, and I ignored it.

He gave me love, and I refused it.

He gave me miracles, and I didn’t believe them.

He gave me healing, and I questioned it.

That’s what makes me a prodigal daughter.

But here’s what I know, your past does not determine your future. What you have done does not determine what you will do and when you realize the past has no power, then your future is filled with freedom. The story of the prodigal son doesn’t end when he wastes the gift he had been given, it ends when he repents.

Listen carefully.

“The only time you fail is the first time you stop trying”

I can’t tell you how many times I heard my mom say this to me.

I wished she was there to say it to me the other night. As I sat on my couch mindlessly scrolling facebook I came across a friend’s post that broke me. I took a risk and reached out to her. I told her about the series my church is going through all about overcoming overwhelming circumstances. I had already typed out directions to the church because I was so sure I had worded everything just right and she was going to be over joyed at the opportunity to hear someone speak encouragement in such a dark time in her life. Apparently, I was wrong. Obviously I hadn’t done such a great job because this was her response, “thanks, maybe I’ll think about visiting when I’m not so overwhelmed”

Okay, I complain that people don’t listen to me quite a bit but, seriously? I just told her that this was her ticket to not feeling overwhelmed. I gave her the opportunity to overcome being overwhelmed. When someone is sick do they say “Wow, I’m really sick.  I should go to the doctor when I’m feeling better”? No. They don’t, because that doesn’t make any sense.

I was frustrated. I started tearing myself apart. I’m just not good at talking to people about church, I probably should hold back because I don’t want people to think that my church is full of pushers. I’m really bad at wording things, I should have had Matt (who she doesn’t know by the way) talk to her. He is really good at that kind of stuff. I’m just going to mind my own business from now on.

I wanted to never reach out to someone hurting again. I wanted to protect myself from ever feeling rejected and ignored again so I decided that it must just not be my “gift”. I decided that I was going to let people who are really good at talking, do the talking. That if God wanted to say something to this person, he would have obviously used someone better.  

Then quieter than a whisper a thought popped into my head, it was quiet but it was clear. It said “That’s not My voice”.

It seems silly, but it was huge. It was a huge reminder.

It reminded me that like Paul, If I try to please man, I’m no servant of Christ.

It reminded me that Jesus also knows a little about rejection.

It also reminded me that, it’s not about me.

In that moment, in that still small voice, I found so much comfort. Actually I found more than comfort, I found freedom. I didn’t have to believe the lies the enemy tries over and over to convince me of. I didn’t have to listen to myself tear myself down. I just have to listen carefully for His voice .

After a couple moments of prayer, I couldn’t even hear the thoughts of failure. All I could hear were the truths that came from listening to His voice.

Later that night, I grieved over this person and what had been lost, but I also felt hopeful because I knew that God wasn’t done here. He wasn’t done with this person and their situation, and he wasn’t done with me. Rejection hurts, but it doesn’t mean you’ve failed.