Surrendering Sucks.

One gives freely, yet grows all the richer, 

another withholds what he should have given and 

only suffers want.

 Proverbs 11:24

Ever have a conversation with someone and nothing gets accomplished aside from feeling frustrated and exhausted? I know I certainly have. You can feel so defeated, like you just wasted so much precious time and breath. You walk away shaking your head, wishing you didn’t even open your mouth. Especially if the person you’re trying to talk to is as stubborn as me. 

This is exactly how I imagined God felt after sharing with me his 31 little pieces of “wisdom”.  Frustrated, exhausted and frankly, sorry He ever brought it up.

(Luckily God is way more gracious than my little human brain gives Him credit for.) 

Though none of it was exactly news to me. I’ve read these 31 books before. Except normally my sole purpose is to simply find a clever one liner that‘s tweet worthy. Other times it’s only to find the perfectly worded little saying, short and sweet enough to paint on a piece of wood. But as of late I’m trying to read through these catchy snippets of wisdom from a different perspective. As I do this I’m beginning to see that it’s not quite as cute and clever as I once thought. Not only that but it kind of thinks I’m a fool. A big fat stinky one, with a gold ring in my nose to be exact.

To top it off, it has to go and make things personal.

You see there’s this thing that I’ve kind of been holding on to. Okay, really holding on to. It’s as if I can see God holding out his hand for it and instead of just handing it over to Him, I slowly hide it behind my back, tighten my awkward grip, and walk backwards shaking my head. 

Did you just imagine a two year old with an illicit candy bar tucked into it‘s tiny fist? Because that’s kind of how I feel.

Now if I was reading these cleverly crafted words with my old perspective, I would have simply gotten out the checkbook, filled in the blanks, and checked it off my imaginary “Not a fool” list. But unfortunately taking this new approach to the scripture means I can’t just stop at the superficial.

Maybe Solomon was in fact just talking about money and gifts in this little aphorism. Maybe I’m reading way too much into it. 

Or could it be that the riches he’s talking about is the treasures we find when we completely surrender all of ourselves to Him, letting His plan for our life take precedence? Perhaps the wealth He’s referring to comes from the Peace that surpasses our understanding as we watch God take our small things and turn them into Kingdom things. Maybe it’s referring to the rich trophy of him saying, “Well done, good and faithful servant”. Maybe, just maybe, He just wants to be My reward.

So surrendering will always suck, but I'll wave that silly little white flag as many times as I have to if it means He gets the Glory. 

(Just in case I didn't get the picture the first time, this nice little song also decided to play first on my playlist)

Go and Sin no more.... or Not.

When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman where she was in the center of the court. Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you? She said, “No one Lord” And Jesus said “I do not condemn you either. Go, and sin no more”- John 8:9-11

How’s that going for you? That whole “Go and sin no more” thing?

Cause for me, it’s not really going so good.

I still curse others with one breath and then praise God with the next. I still rebel against authority. I still talk a big game about reaching the lost, then go back to my safe little walls. I still complain about things God’s blessed me with. I still think others have it better. I still am way quicker to speak than I am to listen. I still eat food when I’m not hungry and buy clothes I don’t need. I still fall short. I still keep others at an arms length. I still doubt God’s goodness, and I still question His grace. I still demand to see the wounds in his hands before taking Him at His word. I gently step over the scattered stones laid down, forgiven and free. I go, but I don’t exactly “sin no more”.

Let’s go back a couple verses

“Teacher” they said to Him, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the law Moses commanded us to stone such a woman, so what do You say?” They asked this to trap him, in order that they might accuse him.- John 8:4-6

It’s easy to turn up my nose at these puritans, with their stones raised to this poor girl. I'd personally like to think that I’d have more grace and compassion than them. It’s easy to think I’d be standing behind Jesus as he drew in the sand. Arms crossed and hackles raised. Angered by their injustice and overwhelmed by their hardened hearts. As much as we love to criticize their motives, we also love to forget that they were simply doing the biblical thing.

“If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife- with the wife of his neighbor- both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death”- Leviticus 20:10

It’s really quite foolish of me to think that I’d have any more grace. I’m just as legalistic as them. I’m just better at hiding my stones. I can sit here and turn my nose up at their purity etiquette and moral codes all day long, but really they aren’t any different than the long list of “holiness rules & regulation” we’ve instilled in our own little world. Sure the Pharisees had rules about what they could and couldn’t wear, how they should wash their hands, when they should wash their hands, what they could and couldn’t eat, who they could and couldn’t touch. But we do the same thing when we assign a label to the girl who just walked in our church wearing too short of a skirt. We do the same thing when we place conditions on God’s grace, and rules on his mercy. We do the same exact thing when we claim to love Him, but then ignore His people. We’ve even made up our own codes for how to handle sin we’ve deemed more severe than our own. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know who’s worse; the Pharisee’s or the modern day Christian.

I can’t wait to get to heaven and ask Jesus what he drew in the sand that day.  I wonder if it was a list of the Pharisees sins, or maybe a cool “one-liner” about how the law was given through Moses, but Grace came through the carpenter.


“Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her”

I wish I hated my own sins as much as I hate everybody else’s.

At first my theological ego was rubbed a little wrong when I read this verse "Go and Sin no more" Surely he didn't actually mean that. Surely He had to know that all he was doing was just setting the poor girl up for failure. But regardless of what I or any of my alter-ego's would like to believe, Jesus does in fact call us to be perfect. In Matthew 5:48 He says "Be perfect, therefore as your heavenly Father is perfect" So he really does want us to Go and Sin no more. But just because He calls us to it, doesn't mean we will disappoint Him when we fall short because we will indeed fall short.

I think my biggest issue with this story is the point of view from which we retell it from. We don’t tell it as the Pharisee’s would. We don’t tell it like the sinner who saw redemption first hand would. No. Out of all the people in this story, we’ve decided we’re most like Jesus. 

We’re not taking this story and celebrating our redemption. 

We’re not taking this story and second guessing our harsh verdicts.

All we’ve done is turn this story into a stone.

I think it’s a little obvious that we’ve completely missed the point.

All Things Considered

So before hitting the Blogosphere I kept a bunch of writings on an old computer. I thought it would be kind of fun to go back and post one of those old writings. It was probably a good idea in theory (I do have a lot of those) but then I came across a common problem as I was reading through them. I didn’t really agree with anything that I said in them. It didn’t even sound like something I’d say or think. 

This year has been a crazy year, we’ve changed churches, changed jobs, changed apartments, changed ministry goals, changed life goals, ultimately we’ve just changed. So naturally my writings and ideas have also changed. So I deleted all the old writings that I no longer agreed with. As I sat there deleting article after article I couldn’t help but think if in another year from now I’d be logging onto this Blog and deleting the posts on here I no longer agree with.

Then last night we had a great conversation with an amazing couple and we just were able to talk about life and ministry and all the things in between, and as we talked I was reminded of one of my favorite stories in the bible. It’s only recently became my favorite because I’ve noticed something about it that I’ve never quite caught before.

Acts 18:24-28
Meanwhile a Jew named Apollos. A native of Alexandria, came to Ephesus. He was a learned man with a thorough knowledge of the scriptures. He had been instructed in the way of the Lord, and taught about Jesus accurately, though he knew only the baptism of John. He began to speak boldly in the synagogue. When Priscilla and Aquilla heard him, they invited him to their home and explained the way of God more adequately. When Apollos wanted to go to Achaia the brothers encouraged him and wrote to the disciples there to welcome him. On arriving he was a great help to those who by grace had believed. For he vigorously refuted the Jews in public debate proving from the Scriptures that Jesus was the Christ.

So it says that Apollos only preached what he knew, until Priscilla and Aquilla came to him and explained the way of God more adequately. But check out what it doesn’t say. It doesn’t say that Priscilla and Aquilla then go on to call him a false teacher, or publicly humiliate him in front of those he just preached to. It also never says that Apollos was embarrassed, or hung his head in shame, or went back and retracted what he said when he preached. He had no reason to, because he didn’t mislead anyone, he didn’t twist scripture. He didn’t do anything wrong, he just simply had limited knowledge. 

I like this passage a lot because it reminds me that it as long as I’m doing my part and telling you what I know about scripture, and doing it with reverence to Him, I have no reason to go back and delete or edit what I’ve said. Something in the conversation with this couple really stuck out to me, we were talking about teaching the Word and that we can’t control how others take what we said. That not everyone is going to agree and most importantly that not everyone is going to hear what we‘re trying to get across. Our only responsibility is to rightly divide the word, teach the context accurately and give true application. Past that I can’t control what you take from it.

I think Apollos and his friends had it figured out. So I’ll keep writing even though some of you, maybe even myself given enough time, might disagree. You might even take what I say out of context and twist it. But that’s okay, I still won’t go back and delete any posts. See here’s the thing, I don’t write to impress you. I don’t do it so that you’ll compliment me. I don’t care about that. I care about encouraging others with my limited knowledge. So I‘ll do just that. But I won’t spoon feed you anything. Because for one, I am not your Mama, and 2. Chances are good if I do I’ll have to go back and make you regurgitate all the misguided crap I fed you, and trust me that won’t be fun for either of us. So I’ll do my part and make sure I am rightly presenting the Word, you do your part and read the scripture for yourself.

Like I said, the Christian life is a process, but I think we can make it easier on ourselves if we just agree to be in it together. As brothers and sisters. Walk alongside each other as our finite brains try to understand an infinite God. As we go build each other up, and if one falls, be the first one to help him. Because you see, iron will indeed sharpen iron, if you let it.

Balance Beam

 For those of you who attend newLife I think this is a perfect example of what Pastor Andy was saying about what you do in this life dictates what your destiny will be like in the next. Check it out.

Pinterest and the Perfect Christian Life

So, I have a confession.

I love Pinterest. You're shocked, I can tell. But I do. I love thinking that one of these days I will have a spotless pottery barn inspired home filled with furniture that I built all by myself using only items found at the dollar tree, oh and pallets of course... can’t forget pallets! I get excited thinking of all the inches I’ll shred with every kale and spinach filled diet I find. I think it’s a ton of fun to count up all the dollars we’ll save when I finally learn how to coupon my way to a freezer full of a years worth of supper all from my one time $100 dollar run to Costco. Like I said, I love Pinterest.

But, as the story goes, every rose has it’s thorns.

As I sat there pinning my little heart out this morning, I slowly found myself going on a tiny little guilt trip.

I don’t have a pottery barn inspired- anything. I don’t eat and breathe kale. I've used coupons once, and I did it wrong and made the clerk lady regret not taking the job at staples. She said that. I mean she said it with her glare, but still said it none the less. Oh and those freezer meals and thrifty run to Costco? Sorry, my freezer is way too full of Eggo waffles and ice cream to fit any of your 200 calorie frozen masterpieces. I don’t have a Costco card but the one time I borrowed my friends and went by myself- I spent 150 dollars, and we still somehow didn't have any groceries. We had tons of chocolate covered acai berries, and a beautiful dog bed that Sophie refuses to even pretend to like. Maybe a couple other snacks were thrown in there I’m sure, but no actual, real food. Certainly no kale. 

Do you think I pinned or instagrammed any of that? Nope. Let’s be honest I move the pile of folded laundry out from under the dog before snapping a picture of her for my fellow instagramming friends.  And if there is a filter that makes my couch look cleaner, you bet I'll use it. Can you "facetune" your couch? If you can I'll be all over that.

We only instagram and pin our success, not our failures.

It doesn't bother me so much as far as the social media world goes. I don’t really care how clean your house is, what you had for dinner, or how perfect that one DIY project turned out. Pin away my friends. But more often than not it doesn't stop there. We bring this perfectly staged instagrammed self to Church. 

Stay with me, because I do it too. But what if, just one time- when someone asks us how our week went- instead of saying “Oh, it was so blessed” we said “I have a ton of garbage this week I tried to carry it out myself but it‘s too stinky, too messy and too gross. I have no clue how I’m going to get myself together, I need your help.” 

I know it seems scary. Because if you went to a church like the one I went to, they gave you a formula for your testimony. You told about the valley (your past), the climb, (when you trusted Jesus) and then described your mountain top. (the victory and delivery over your past). And that’s where it ended. It was a good formula and helped me get through the first time telling my testimony in front of people. 

But what if you’re a Christian, and you’re still in the valley?

Maybe not still in the valley, because let’s be honest your first experience with a Love that conquers all, or the first time you finally understood how scandalous Grace is; you were on the top of the Mountain and never thought you could come down.

But, you do. Life’s stinkin’ hard. Even the Christian life. Storms will come and the wind from them will more than likely knock you on your butt.

I think one of the most important lessons I've learned as a Christian is that there are things about the valley that He can't teach you from the mountain top. Follow Him there anyways, because He will never leave you in the valley. He just wants to show you something down there. It will help you appreciate the mountain, I promise.

Oh, but we have convinced ourselves that it’s better to just play church with each other, and go about the day like everything is hunky dory. No, being real is hard so lets just all put on our “we've got this mask”, and proceed to pin the perfect Christian life. Let’s forget about true, genuine relationships. Let’s forget about all the people who feel defeated and hopeless week after week watching your cookie cutter Christian life fall perfectly into place, and by all means let’s just fake it. Then go home and pray to God that some how, some day, we make it.

I‘m sorry, but I’m sick and tired of it. I’m done. I don’t want to play church. I don’t want one more person going home from church feeling less than, I don’t want one more person feeling like they should just give up because they’ll never be that cookie cutter Christian. I certainly don’t want anyone to leave the church because they just can’t keep up with the fake facades. 

I’m not going to present Jesus like he’s a box of chocolates wrapped with a perfect little bow. I’m going to share hope, but I’m also going to share struggle. There is hope and victory in this Christian walk, but there is also heartbreak, valleys, sin, and struggle. I think more people would be drawn to a Jesus who suffered for us than a Jesus who never knew struggle. The bible doesn't just tell the story of Jesus being born, his perfect life, and then skip right to the victory of him defeating death. No, it also includes the part where he was battered and bruised. It tells us he was vulnerable. It says He wept. So, from now on, that’s the example I’m going to follow. I hope you’ll join me. 

Romans 5:3-5
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,  and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,  and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Did you catch that? Suffering leads to hope. And hope will not put us to shame.

So I got corrected... sorta.

Remember those few women I told you about who I feel are responsible for much of my Christian walk just by being awesome?  Well, apparently not only are they super awesome but they also tend to be right about things, and also don’t mind telling me when I’m wrong about things. Believe it or not, I really like that about them.

So a few other conversations have taken place over the last couple of weeks to really get me thinking about my “Calling”. I feel like my calling is my Christian equivalence to my college major-in that it continually changes.

A while ago I thought it was my “calling” to disciple teenage girls, to speak into their lives and stop insecurity in its tracks so that they never fall victim to the oppression and guilt of giving away too much of themselves, or worse.

But later I found out that that’s kind of everyone’s calling. It is just part of being an adult, you have to impart your wisdom on the youth and give them better tools than you were given so that they can go farther than you. It’s not a job for one person; Jesus was very specific on how he wants everyone to treat the children.

Then about a year ago, I thought it was my calling to go to Colombia. Maybe even move there. Be a “full time missionary” (another one of the many christian terms the church should stop using) and do awesome things for God and spend my day in the tropics showing orphans the love of Christ, maybe adopt one or two, or 15.

Yet again I learned that’s kind of everyone’s calling. Not so much Colombia but the loving orphans thing. Jesus was also specific about that- and I don’t know if you noticed but we have a couple orphans here. Not just America here, like Astoria here.

So usually this is where I’d sit down and reconsider what I wanted my calling to be. I’d probably choose something else that seemed fun and easy and also involved warmer weather. But instead, I was approached by several different people- all of who don’t know each other by the way- telling me what they thought I was supposed to do with my ability to string words together. I mean, each one differed slightly in the capacity of what they had in mind but they all had one thing in common; speaking.  Like, in front of people and stuff.

Um, excuse me while I go pee my pants.

So, I told my friend about this and voiced to her my insecurities. Although I didn’t phrase them like insecurities; no, more like facts. Cold hard evidence as to why I should never speak in front of people.

“I’m not good at speaking, not only am I not good at it but I don’t like it”

“There are other people who are WAY better at it; really they should be the ones up there. People would listen to them”

“I have no right to tell women who have YEARS on me anything bible related, they should be teaching me”

“What if someone asked me a question, like about the Old Testament? I’d look like an idiot!”

I personally thought I had quite the case against the whole me speaking thing. She, however respectfully disagreed.  (I bet you didn’t see that coming, did ya?)

This is the“reader’s digest” of why she disagreed with my ever so persuasive facts.

 “Erin, remember when you came to me after Matt had proposed asking me all about marriage?”

I didn’t actually remember this conversation but she is pretty smart and good at being married so it sounded like something I would do.

“What if I told you not to marry Matt, and my reasons were:

You’re probably not very good at being married, somebody else might be better.

You might not like being married.

You have no right to get married! There are other couples out there who know way more about marriage- Let them get married!

Someone might ask you a question about marriage, and then you’d look like a real idiot!

Those would be pretty stupid reasons not to do it, wouldn’t they?”

Like I said, she’s pretty smart.

She went on to quote stories like that in Exodus 6 and Jeremiah 1. To remind me that bringing God glory is so much better than merely being good at something.

So did her little pep talk completely change my attitude? Not really.
Do I now feel an overwhelming urge to get up and talk to a bunch of people? Nope.

 But this is what I do know;

'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."---(2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

It's the end of the world as we know it.....

So, I guess I should start this post off with a couple disclaimers.

1. Eschatology is not my expertise by any standard.
2. I don’t care what you eat.

There now that you’re probably thoroughly confused where this post is going, let me explain.

Last night I made a face book post that was supposed to be funny and light hearted but apparently came across slightly passive aggressive. Shocker. For those of you too cool for Facebook here is the post;

Oops almost forgot another day of thanks! I think this is day 4, But I’ve forgotten like 2 or 3 of them, so I’m not really sure; all I know is day 30 is a long ways off.

1. I'm thankful that my husband constantly demonstrates that I'm his #1 ministry, even if it means being at the church at 10 o clock at night because I was whiney/needy/annoying yesterday :-) 
2. I'm thankful for the abundance of pumpkin spice everything that's coming my way soon- and no, I don't really care if it uses real pumpkin or not. Jesus is coming back for me weather or not I eat HFCS.
3. I'm thankful for my church family. I know I already said this one but I saw a couple of posts this week that have made me that much more grateful for a church that not only teaches the bible accurately but focuses more on love and  less on shame.

You would think the offense would come from that statement basically saying that some of my Facebook friends don’t go to bible-teaching, love-doing churches. But no, it was the one about High Fructose Corn Syrup that got under peoples skin. Whatever.

I was referring to the article that’s gone viral all about how the big bad wolfs at Starbucks don’t actually use “real pumpkin” in their pumpkin spice latte and how all the naturalists are freaked out by it, while your typical college aged white girls (ahem) are just excited for the return of the deliciously over sweetened well caffeinated beverage. Now, here is where my second disclaimer comes in, I don’t care what you eat. If you only want to eat organic everything then be my guest, if you want to live off of Taco Bell and McChickens, then more power to you. I really don’t care. 

Now, for my first disclaimer, eschatology is not something I spend a ton of time talking about or studying. I’ve studied just enough to know that Jesus is going to at some point return, but first some stuff has to hit the proverbial fan. By the way if that sounds like you- save yourself a couple grand and don’t go to bible college. They will look at you like you have ten heads when you don’t know/care if you are pre-trib, mid-trib or post -trib and then spend the remainder of the semester trying to convince you of which category you should fall into. 

However, I do know that over and over in scripture we see people asking Jesus “When” and he over and over responds with “Don’t worry about when, just be ready”.  Maybe this is where my frustration comes in when I hear some well-meaning evangelist proclaim that the end is near. Not only is that a terribly optimistic thing to say, but one would think someone who knows enough scripture to know that some of the things going on today were predicted 2000 years ago would also know enough to be a little more “ready”. But alas, they are not. 

Remember the whole 2012 thing? How people thought that some how the Mayans had it all figured out with their cave-wall schedule? Or my personal favorite, in 1999 when the world was supposed to somehow just shut off due to a mere computer glitch? 

The point is, that more people are focused on predicting the “when” than they are on “being ready”. I honestly think that if we truly believed Jesus Christ could return any minute, any hour, any day we wouldn’t waste so much time on things that don’t matter. For example, what kind of chemicals are in our pumpkin spice latte, or sleeping in, exercising, climbing the corporate ladder, checking twitter, DIY-ing, saving money, investing, instagramming our meals and whatever else non-important things we fill our days with. Now, by no means are any of those things bad nor am I saying I’ve not done any of those. I’m saying that I see so many Christians, myself included, proclaiming that Christ’s return is right around the corner but then still living as if it’s not. 

You know this whole “it‘s the end of the world as we know it” thing isn’t just for believers, if it was that awful 158 minutes of the movie “2012” wouldn’t have made the millions it did. But to be completely honest, I think the non-believers are more at peace with the end of the world than most Christians are. Terrible theology, I know. I understand that the end of the world means a lot more to the Christian than to the unbeliever, but I also think we can learn a thing or two about the way the unbelievers have come to terms with it, and therefore live their lives in a disorderly “YOLO” fashion. 

So we know what the unbelievers would do if they knew the end of the world was right around the corner, but what about us? The ambassadors of Christ? What would we do if we knew our window of opportunity was rapidly slamming shut?

Would we actually start being the hands and feet of our local churches?

Would we erase the battle lines we’ve drawn between us and our gay friends and just spend the last couple days loving them?

Would we lay down our theological differences and doctrinal debates long enough to just join hands?

Or would we continue on in our own selfish pride and desire to be proven right? I’m afraid that too many of us would, now that the eschatology and revelation-esque debates would have taken on a new zeal.

The truth is, none of us know how it will go down. But I can take a wild stab in the dark that on the day that Jesus does come back for His bride we won’t be worried about who was wrong and who was right, instead the sight of our Beloved will be more than we can bear and we will be consumed with His glory. The same Glory that should be consuming our actions right now. 

So if these really are the last days, and everywhere we look we see proof of that then I suggest we start acting like it. That means laying down the things that will fade along with this world like our theology, pumpkin spice lattes, and other selfish desires- and instead come together hand in hand, ready for battle. Not a battle of right vs. wrong but rather a battle for the souls that are lost. Coming together in one accord, to see his Kingdom come, His will be done. So let’s do it.