Let me tell you all about how my life got turned upside down: Our Foster Care Story.

If you're un-lucky enough to be on my Pinterest or Instagram feed (by the way: sorry fellow pinners for my incessant pinning of 500 cupcake recipe's to 500 Brazilian butt work-outs. What can I say? The struggle is real). Anyways, you've probably noticed that we are starting a journey towards foster care/adoption. We've had tons of people bring us their questions and their concerns. So, I decided to give you all the full story of how we came to this idea. 

A few months back the Giant and I were really struggling with this empty feeling. I don't know how else to describe it we weren't sad, we were fine and healthy and even happy but we just lacked passion for anything. After praying and really digging into scripture I started to feel that the emptiness was as a result of not really seeing anything significant in our lives that was a true reflection of Christ. We had gotten kind of comfortable in our faith and hadn't really been stretched or taken a step of faith for quite awhile, and it was just leaving us a little unsettled. 

So we prayed. And prayed. And prayed.

In the past 2 years I have prayed a lot for "moms" who just wanted to have babies, but one night as I was praying I started balling at the idea that there were babies who just wanted moms. I didn't want to take the lead on this idea, I wanted Matt and I to be a united front in this decision. So I prayed God would move. 

About 2 weeks after that prayer, I received a call from DHS. They had gotten an e-mail from me months ago and wanted to know if I was still interested in foster care. (by the way I have NO memory of this e-mail. Obviously God hacked my g-mail account ;) ). Matt was excited, and nervous, and tore the house apart to build a room for them in less than 24 hours.

So here we are. 

Now, you might still be asking why on earth would you do foster care? And trust me, you wouldn't be the first. I think I covered why we are doing it, but let me make it perfectly clear why we are not doing this. We aren't doing this to fill some sort of void in our lives. The giant and I both know that we are not getting a child for our family, we are giving our family for a child. We also are not doing this for a pat on the back, or for you to give us anything but your prayers. Also, we aren't doing this to be the savior in these kids lives. Just to show them the love of a real Savior.

We obviously have a ton of feelings about this decision. But, more important than feelings is the mandate in scripture. James 1:27 says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." The bible is a great story of sacrifice and redemption. We simply want to be obedient to that and proclaim that story in ever facet of our lives. We desperately want to show these kids the love of Christ in a real and practical way but we also want to pray for redemption and restoration in their parents lives as well. Speaking the truth of the gospel as much as we can and fully depending on the Lord to be faithful to his promise in Isaiah 55:11- that His word will in fact accomplish His purposes.

You may think that I'm just this enthusiastic about it because reality hasn't set in yet. And you may be right. But, I am also fully aware that this isn't going to be a walk in the park. I have no false hope that I am in anyway prepared for the emotional roller coaster we just signed up for. But I do have hope in this "All Scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17. I'm simply taking the steps and whole-heartedly trusting God to do the equipping. 

One more thing. I know I have to give the babies back. While we are fully ready for a placement that will lead to adoption, I also know that I will probably have to give the baby back. And yes, I know what your thinking. It will be hard, and I will cry a lot. And I will need you to bring me coffee and doughnuts and prayer. But, 2,000 years ago God handed his ACTUAL Son over, and not to a social worker- to a cross. For me. So I will be fully comforted by a God who knows a little about what I'm going through. Well, that and the doughnuts we talked about earlier.

By our love?

About 7 ish years ago, I stepped into a church building sat in a super uncomfy pew and was told that 2,000 years ago a Man named Jesus gave his life so that I could have mine. My understanding of my God was nothing more than this: He was super real, He loved little kids, sinners and me. I was going to be in Heaven with him through faith, by grace.

That was Good News.

But, it's probably not new news to you. For the past 2,000 years millions of people have made a similar confession and walked through that door from death into life. And through that door you've probably discovered a thousand other doors. Inside those doors are a hundred more doors, and inside those doors are little tiny rooms filled with very few like-minded people.

I'm not saying it's bad necessarily. I know for myself that I am super eager to discover and corner every truth about my God. I want to leave this world more in awe of God than I found it, and to do that I have to be constantly in awe of Him. Consequently you become more in awe of someone by learning new and exciting things about them.

Also, we're humans and humans disagree on crap all the time. It's almost like a pass-time for some folks.

We're naturally going to seek out truth and theology, we are bound to dissect something as profound as the living Word of God. So naturally, we're going to understand it differently than the next guy. Heck, depending on what season of life I'm in I've understood it differently on Monday than I did on Sunday.

But now through the lovely gift of technology we have a platform, a microphone and an incredibly low tolerance for people who don't fit in our tiny room.

My concern is this, does the world know us by our love- or by our divisions?

We get so caught up in secondary truths, like once saved always saved, what the Greek word for this or that is, if an apostle is more important than a teacher (or vice versa) if the gift of tongues is really a thing or not and like a hundred more.

So unless you can tell me for certain that your issue will matter most before our Father, don't try telling me that Jesus' most basic command for us should be put on the back burner.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you. that you also love one another. By then all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
-John 13:34

Handicapped in the name of Humility

I've had lots of coffee and conversations with women who have big dreams and big plans and big hearts. I'm constantly overwhelmed and motivated and challenged by 99% of the dreams and goals my friends have. Weather its to move to a tarantula filled third world country, or simply open up a coffee shop designed to encourage ministry. I've never had one conversation with a woman who had a dream and thought to myself "Eek, I don't know if she could do THAT". Never. Not once.

I remember someone saying once "Women know their dreams, but are too afraid to do it. Men don't know their dreams but will do them anyway."

I think that's pretty true, at least on the women's side. We are always aware of the needs around us, aware of the Spirit and always analyzing every possible situation and outcome.

So what's the problem then? Why are we just sitting on these gifts and passions and trainings? I think the answer to that subtly slipped out in a conversation I had the other night with one of my close friends. She has a heart and a gifting for discipleship. People are just drawn to her and they will listen to what she has to say and they will watch and learn from her. She wanted to go to her pastor and  ask about how to develop a ministry where once someone in the church receives Christ or gets baptized they are instantly hooked up with her or someone else and that's "their person". She explained how it would take the pressure off of the pastor so that he's not the only one calling and meeting and organizing and ministering to these people, and how it would promote relationship and accountability and hopefully encourage people to get plugged in and serve. I told her that was a great idea and asked her why she hasn't gone to her pastor yet.

Turns out it's cause she didn't want to seem self-promoting.

Oh honey, I get that.

As if any of this had anything to do with us. As if our reputation or peoples invisible thoughts about us mattered at all. I know it theologically, and even cognitively it has nothing to do with us and not only that but she is the type of person to give God glory for things like finding her run away earring or not burning the house down while making a birthday cake. So obviously she would give God glory for being a tool in helping people live out God's grace.

Unfortunately, the annoying thing about the enemy is that he subtly warps truths into lies. He will slowly but surely convince us that our insecurity is actually humility. That our desire to lead or help others is pride, while in all actuality it's just killing the call of God.

It makes me think of Moses. when God was like "Hey, my people are in bondage and I want to give them a land full of milk and honey and you're going to be the one to lead them there." And all Moses heard was "Me? You want ME?"

But, God used him anyway. Funny how that works, huh?

I definitely don't have this down. I will probably sit and do nothing in the name of humility multiple times. But, hopefully this conversation will help me to be quicker to separate humility from insecurity.

"If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ" Galatians 1:10