Handicapped in the name of Humility

I've had lots of coffee and conversations with women who have big dreams and big plans and big hearts. I'm constantly overwhelmed and motivated and challenged by 99% of the dreams and goals my friends have. Weather its to move to a tarantula filled third world country, or simply open up a coffee shop designed to encourage ministry. I've never had one conversation with a woman who had a dream and thought to myself "Eek, I don't know if she could do THAT". Never. Not once.

I remember someone saying once "Women know their dreams, but are too afraid to do it. Men don't know their dreams but will do them anyway."

I think that's pretty true, at least on the women's side. We are always aware of the needs around us, aware of the Spirit and always analyzing every possible situation and outcome.

So what's the problem then? Why are we just sitting on these gifts and passions and trainings? I think the answer to that subtly slipped out in a conversation I had the other night with one of my close friends. She has a heart and a gifting for discipleship. People are just drawn to her and they will listen to what she has to say and they will watch and learn from her. She wanted to go to her pastor and  ask about how to develop a ministry where once someone in the church receives Christ or gets baptized they are instantly hooked up with her or someone else and that's "their person". She explained how it would take the pressure off of the pastor so that he's not the only one calling and meeting and organizing and ministering to these people, and how it would promote relationship and accountability and hopefully encourage people to get plugged in and serve. I told her that was a great idea and asked her why she hasn't gone to her pastor yet.

Turns out it's cause she didn't want to seem self-promoting.

Oh honey, I get that.

As if any of this had anything to do with us. As if our reputation or peoples invisible thoughts about us mattered at all. I know it theologically, and even cognitively it has nothing to do with us and not only that but she is the type of person to give God glory for things like finding her run away earring or not burning the house down while making a birthday cake. So obviously she would give God glory for being a tool in helping people live out God's grace.

Unfortunately, the annoying thing about the enemy is that he subtly warps truths into lies. He will slowly but surely convince us that our insecurity is actually humility. That our desire to lead or help others is pride, while in all actuality it's just killing the call of God.

It makes me think of Moses. when God was like "Hey, my people are in bondage and I want to give them a land full of milk and honey and you're going to be the one to lead them there." And all Moses heard was "Me? You want ME?"

But, God used him anyway. Funny how that works, huh?

I definitely don't have this down. I will probably sit and do nothing in the name of humility multiple times. But, hopefully this conversation will help me to be quicker to separate humility from insecurity.

"If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ" Galatians 1:10