Down, but not out.

I grew up in the church. Literally. My mother put me in a basket and set me outside the doors of the church. I was then taken in by a nice little family of church mice and we would spend our afternoons pooping in cupboards and scurrying about picking up crumbs from the sanctuary.

Okay, I made that up.

But, I did spend an insane amount  of time in the church. By choice. When I was a teenager I really wasn't allowed to do anything except go to church. I mean technically my mom would have let me go to some giant rave party but it would have required an investigation the FBI would be proud of, and that just was super inconvenient for me so youth group it was.

My point is that when you spend 5+ nights a week inside a church building you tend to see a ton of burnout. In my "on fire" 16 year old brain the ones burning out were synonymous with the ones that "were never truly with us" so I didn't really give the whole burn out thing much thought.

Until now when I'm 25 with an awesome marriage, A church and church family that I love so much I could just squish. Being insanely humbled daily that Jesus and parents trust me enough to let me teach their little snack-loving, booger wiping babies about God's love. Not to mention really learning to love "quiet time" with the Lord and in spite of all that- I constantly want to throw in the towel.

Especially lately, and so I have researched a ton of stuff about what causes burn out and why people leave the church and  I've read just about every blog on "10 things to do to avoid burn out" and they were insightful and candid and I will probably apply some of their wisdom to my life but I had to realize that as long as that Jerk-a-saurus Satan is still all about stealing, killing and destroying- you probably won't avoid thoughts of burn out. Bummer.

So instead of reading some cynic's take on burn out I decided to get encouragement from the Bible about ministry. I probably could have saved myself a ton of time by doing this first, but I've never claimed to be a real quick learner.

So I searched "Verses about the church" and then I googled "Encouraging verses for ministry" and then I searched "Encouraging scripture for when you want to give up" and every single search told me to read 2 Timothy 4. So I did. Let me just write it out here and you tell me if you think it's encouraging or not.

Proclaim the message; persist in it whether convenient or not; rebuke, correct and encourage with great patience and teaching. For the time will come when they will not tolerate sound doctrine but according to their own desires will multiply teachers for themselves because they have an itch to hear something new. They will turn away from the truth and will turn aside to myths. But as for you, be serious about everything, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race and I have kept the faith. There is reserved for me a crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous Judge will give me on that day. And not only to me but to all who loved His Appearing. 2 Timothy 4:2-8 (HCSB)

Either this is like the worst encouragement ever or Paul's just an asshole.

Be serious about everything and work hard? Ew. No thanks.

Maybe it's just me but this just doesn't come across as your typical encouragement. Like if I'm feeling burnt out the last thing I want someone to tell me is that it's only going to get worse and to be serious. Not only is the work going to get harder and the people are going to be harder but then tell me that they aren't going to be around to help. Then I read it again and again and I realized the most discouraging thing in church and ministry is unmet unrealistic expectations. You hear it all the time people "church shopping" or "waiting for the perfect opportunity to serve" or whatever and they always end up discouraged or defeated when they learn that there's no such thing as the perfect church, or the perfect ministry because there's no such thing as a perfect Christian. Maybe Paul knew that fluffy words and nice sounding affirmations just wasn't going to cut it. Maybe he knew that Timothy probably had some idealistic expectations for his career as a pastor. 

Maybe Paul wanted to encourage Timothy by telling him, even if you're down don't let it take you out. Even after all the discouragement and defeat Paul had encountered while doing ministry he was still able to say that he finished the race well.

I think later in this passage Paul unknowingly gives us the key to not burning out.

"Be diligent to come to me quickly..... Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful for me in Minstry"

It's easy to read any of Paul's writing and think of him as a super-human. But these phrases in verse 9-10 show us that Paul needed companionship and he recognized that it wasn't good for him to be alone.

So if I had to make a list of ways to avoid burn out. this would be it.

1. Get your encouragement from Jesus, not google.
2. Surround yourself with other Christians.
3. Repeat steps 1-2.

Not the most exciting list. But if it worked for Paul and Timothy, I imagine it will work fine for us.

Loving like Jesus and Joining the Bandwagon.

As a Christian I have been asked over and over and over for my opinion about the new Supreme Court ruling on Gay  Marriage, and with the exception of a few passive Facebook posts I've avoided the hot button issue for one main reason. It. Doesn't. Matter. But, I'm getting pretty frustrated with the way some Christians are portraying Christ so I grabbed my two cents and decided to jump on the rainbow colored bandwagon.

I don't care if people who don't claim to know Christ are sinning because I care about the fact that there are people who claim to be followers of Jesus but are sleeping together outside of marriage. I don't care if someone who doesn't love God ignores His teachings. Because I'm a little too busy worrying about the fact that there are people who claim to know and love God but don't tithe 10%. I really don't care if 2 people who don't know what the bible says decide to love each other because I'm a little more concerned with the fact that there are people who say they love God, yet don't love their gay neighbor.

See here's the thing. The bible says this:

But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an adulterer, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler-- not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges. Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.(1 Corinthians 5:11-13)

I just don't understand why there are Christians who are judging the homosexual outside the church because it "goes against scripture" and yet is still eating and attending church with the dating couple who is sleeping together. Because actually that goes against scripture

The bible tells us that they will know us by our love. Not our judgment. Not our political stance. Not our actions. Our love. For God and for others.

If you're a christian and you're getting your panties in a bunch because gay marriage is legal shouldn't you also be grieving over the fact that idolatry/drunkeness/slander/pride/adultery is legal? 

God says that all sin is the same. If you break one commandment you've broken them all. Yet we treat the gay community like they are worse than everyone else. We define them as "Sinners" and we mask our disgust for them with annoying cliches like "love the sinner hate the sin" and we throw around words like "truth in love" and "sharing God's word" But I bet you anything you don't go up to that guy who got divorced without biblical grounds and give him the scriptures that say he's wrong and doomed to be single. I'm not sure but if I had to guess you probably aren't telling that couple living together outside of marriage that they can't come back to church until they repent and sin no more. So why on earth would you tell the homosexual how God really designed marriage?

We are called to be like Jesus. Jesus came to seek and save the lost. He did this by showing them how much he loved them by dying on a cross for them. How are we supposed to save people we won't touch? Our only mission as followers of Jesus is to see people saved, not prove them wrong. 

Inside the church we have marriages failing.

We have people walking away from the truth.

We have adulterers and slanderers and gossips.

We have pride and selfishness.

We have brokenness and depression.

We have drunks.

We have swindlers and people who covet.

We have pastors giving up on their flock.

My point is that we have enough problems to deal with inside the church but you want to make a stink about gay marriage outside the church?

I'm not going to tell unbelievers what I'm against. I'm going to show them Who I'm for. I'm not going to tell them what the bible says about sin, I'm going to show them what it says about the Savior. I hope you'll put down your cross shaped profile pic filter and join me.

The Rise of the Dones

My church is going through a series called "The rise of the Nones" focusing on people who claim no religion as a result of Christians not doing their job. I thought it was a cool title so I stole it to talk about my biggest pet peeve in the church. (At least this weeks biggest pet peeve) 

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"I've had it with church. I'm done!"

"My relationship with God is personal. The way He intended it to be"

"I'm not even sure organized religion is biblical"

"God is telling me that I just need to focus on me and my family, not have any other commitments"

If I had a dime...

Rephrase these cop-outs however you'd like, but that's what they are. Cop-outs. These are statements from the growing population of a group of people I like to call "The Dones." These are people who have been involved in church, maybe even held a leadership position in the church and for whatever reason have become hurt, burned out or frustrated with the church and as a result decided, they're done.

Let me start off by saying as a Christian you can't disassociate from the church anymore than as a person you can disassociate from humanity. If you have confessed your sins, asked for forgiveness and trusted Jesus as Lord and Savior for your life; welp sorry Charlie- you ARE the Church. Bummer, I know.

Now to address the "Organized religion isn't even biblical" argument. You can half read the new testament with one eye closed and still find that the idea of church is very much a biblical idea. Don't believe me? It's called the book of Acts. Check it out.

Look, I know the church is far from perfect. It's members will use you, it's needs will exhaust you, it's leaders hurt you. Trust me, I get it. I get it because I've been there. Heck- I just was there. But then I heard that lives were changed, broken bodies were healed and hearts turned to Jesus. If I have to get a little offended, a little exhausted, a little done- for that to happen then by all means. I've counted up the cost and it's so worth it.

Then at dinner the other night our friends told us in admiration about this guy who faithfully attends a church for 3 years and then takes a year off. Wanna know why he takes that year off? To "process all he's learned and try to apply it to HIS life"

Insert eye roll here.

Yeah because, screw the lost right?

I know I probably am coming off cold and irritable and maybe it's because I am. I'm irritated that there's people going to hell and the ones who have been given the tools to remedy that are too busy making sure they don't add any commitments to their life.

I know that community is messy. Church is messy. But instead of being bitter and burned out by it shouldn't that alone amaze us all the more? Jesus chose these stupid narcissistic cranky vessels to complete His work and showcase His grace. He had other options. He could have just spoken a single word and avoided the whole dealing with cranky Christians thing. But He didn't. He chose us to bear His image. Let that trip you out for a minute.

The Dones will claim that God wasn't in the people of the church that hurt them. Maybe they'll even chalk it up to a mistake on their part. Claim they were acting outside of God's will. They were never supposed to be in that church, or be that committed or whatever.

But, here's the thing. The fact that the Church is messy and imperfect is a sign of God's grace, not his absence.

I am not saying that having a personal relationship with God is a bad thing. It's actually a required thing. But I am saying that if pushing some ear buds in your ear to listen to your favorite pod cast or worship play list is the extent of your relationship with God then contrary to what the Dones believe you are not a more passionate Christian, just a less effective one.

I don't know where you got the idea that disconnecting yourself from church or in other words "Forsaking the fellowship of the Saints" is somehow being faithful. Because it's not. It's actually less faithful than connecting yourself to a broken one.

If you're frustrated with the demands and brokenness of the church and are on the hunt for a more "biblical idea of church" Then don't gather weekly. Gather daily before dawn and pray together. Forget that whole 10% crap. No you want a more "biblical" church so you're gonna have to pool ALL of your possessions and claim nothing as your own. Be ready and willing to lose your job, your family, your home and even your life for the sake of the lost.

Because that's how the early church did it. So in a sense you're absolutely right. The Church does need to change, just unfortunately not how you think it does.

Personality Types; Defining or Destroying the Church?

Welcome to my first co-written blog post. My good friend Dana Kindig and myself have had multiple conversations about each of our own unique personalities. Her being an extrovert and myself an introvert. Recently we have had to take a more honest look at how we each have used our defined personality types as an excuse for bad behavior. Then we started noticing that we are not the only ones who do this. It's actually like a super common thing and the more we realized it the more it annoyed us. So we did what any 21st century 20 something would do. Brought it up in the Court of Blogging. Enjoy =)

Also, when you're done reading this and are ready to simultaneously laugh your pants off and be more like Christ, check out her blog here.

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Remember in High School when they made you take that stupid Myer-Briggs personality test? Well, I'm an INFJ. Basically all that means is I don't like small talk, crowds or clutter. I will take everything you say and over analyze it to death. Oh you say you saw me at the store the other day? Here let me think of 100 different reasons why you didn't come say hi to me, and probably assess the stability of our friendship based off of the final verdict.

My husband on the other hand is a text-book  ENTP.

Imagine a golden retriever with a stick who jumps on you as soon as you walk in door, add an incredibly charming sense of humor and a penchant to be like the best person you've ever met... This is Matthew. 

Also, in this scenario imagine yourself as a cat who just got baptized, and you'll have our marriage in a nut shell. He's energetic and hilarious and can belt any Disney song at the drop of a hat. I'm typically quiet and reserved and would rather read about a singing mermaid than have to listen to her pouring her heart out in my living room. I credit his incredible energy and fun-loving personality for our marriage working as well as it does. 

Anyways, I jokingly refer to our different personality types from time to time. Personality types are great for knowing what re-charges you, why you might be feeling stressed out or why you can't stand that guy at the office. However, more often than not they are just used as an excuse for bad behavior or poor social skills. And it's irritating. Especially in the Church.

I'm going to list the top 5 complaints INFJ's have about church and why (I think) they're crap.

1. "Being asked 'Erin, What do you think?" during bible study/small group.

Okay, look.
I know you're already taking a huge step being at a small group and you probably want a pat on the back. (HINT: you're not going to get it from me.) But before you complain about the pastor or small group leader wanting your opinion let's take a second and be grateful that you have someone in your life who wants to hear what you have to say. Not everyone can say that. I know you're just "quiet" or "thinking" but guess what? So am I. And I still manage to give my 2 cents at my small group every. Single. Time. Sometimes the pressure of talking is so much that it literally makes me cry. I can be telling a funny story that relates to the conversation and the water works will just magically turn on. But, I'm blessed enough to have a small group that doesn't give 2 craps about if I cry for no apparent reason or say something irrelevant or whatever. They just pass the tissues and move on. And I bet people in your life wouldn't care either.

2. Being told "Shake a hand, greet somebody new" first thing at church.

I know what you're thinking. "Oh great, small talk with someone who won't remember my name by the end of service" I know, it sucks. But get this. It's not about you. The Pastor asking you to greet someone, the worship being too loud, the greeter being too peppy- the whole shebang. It's not about you. It's about the lost, and maybe you're sitting next to one of them. And just maybe, you greeting them will make them feel less lame for being in a church service alone. So get over it. I promise you'll make it out of this 20 second long social interaction with all limbs and brain cells accounted for.

3. Being expected to pray out loud during group prayers.

Listen, no one expects YOU to do anything, they're praying because they're expecting God to do something. So just stop.

I admit that I struggle with praying out loud, it's primarily because I believe in the speaking of tongues and practice it in my prayer life and it just so happened that the one time I convinced myself to pipe up in group prayer I spoke in tongues under my breath when I was finished and I thought the lady next to me was going to turn to stone. She. Was. MORTIFIED. So it's a fear of offending someone on my part, and I'm working on that. Sometimes it's because the prayers being prayed are so heavy and I'm just trying to process what is happening. But I will say that I've never felt like someone "expected" me to pray out loud. So let's just call it what it is- fear of man. Pray about it, get over it and step out of your comfort zone for 30 seconds or so.

4. Having to get into groups and pray about_______

Um, there's power in numbers. And power in prayer... so, that's actually why Pastors have you do that. 

5. Having people tell you, "You should be more..."

Open, talkative, outgoing, whatever.

Here's the thing. You should. Being open and talkative and outgoing isn't going to kill you. Also, talking is usually part of that whole "Go into all the world and share the Good News" thing.

Look, I get it. If I had things my way I would spend all my time baking cookies by myself and marathoning it on Netflix. But neither of those things do anything for the Kingdom. Well, cookies do. But not when they're eaten selfishly in the confines of a comfy couch and blankie. Bummer.

When I get up to Heaven I want My Lord and My God to look at me and say "Well done, good and faithful servant" I don't want to get up to those pearly gates and be like "Hey... I TOTALLY would have witnessed to that person, or served in that ministry but ya know I'm an introvert, so there's that. But thanks for all those wasted opportunities" I mean, seriously? The bible tells me that I'm going to have to spend eternity in a crowd (angels) and being vocal (worshiping) so, I might as well get used to it now.

Plus, let's be real.. I could stand to share some of those cookies.

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Disclaimer: **This blog post starts with a rant, feel free to skip the first paragraph**

One thing I've found by doing research for this topic is that extroverts don't get a whole lot of love. I found a billion (check out that exaggeration, don't expect anything less from this extrovert) websites and "reasons you may be an introvert" I even found one listing reasons your DOG may be an introvert. Is it just me or has being in introvert become the next cool thing? No love for us misunderstood extroverts, though. We just show up to parties expected to make people laugh, talk to the new people, voice our opinions and go home. No one writes any lists about us. Totally not bitter, but you can expect a three part blog post next week stating reasons your fish, goat, cat and house elf may be an extrovert. I hope that's a joke. We'll see how I feel next week. Rant over.

I'd first like to say it's not a bad thing to know you're an introvert or an extrovert, it's actually helpful. Too many times, though, I've seen the excuse of being an introvert used as a reason to not include yourself in the conversation, and I don't blame you guys because quite frankly, I don't give you much room. I've also seen, er, I mean been an extrovert that demands the attention of the captive "audience" during conversations. As one of my favorite people, Erin in all her INFJ glory has written a call to introverts, I'd like to write one to extroverts by listing off examples of times our personality type has caused or can cause hurt to the church; things that we should be on guard against. I should also tell you most of these examples are true, real life, dumb things I've done.

1.// Extroverts can be unobservant: Go into any bible study, church potluck, life group, or other small group setting and you'll see a healthy mix of introverts, extroverts, INFJ's, ENFP's, and all those other personality quiz answers that are trying to tell you who you are as if you didn't already know. As an extrovert I can tend to walk in, not look too much at the setting around me, and start talking as if everyone is as stoked to hear about my day as I am to tell it. Forget that there is someone to my left who is obviously upset and was in the middle of a conversation that I barged in on. As a life long best friend of an introvert, I know that this can tend to shut them down. It doesn't matter that your intention was never to interrupt and belittle their situation, it will still cause a sort of anxiety that can make them shell back up into themselves. So when you walk in a room, take a conscious look around at the people, vibe, and situation. I promise it'll be okay, people will pretend to care as much about your day when the current conversation is finished as they would have if you had started talking right away!  Practice being observant. 

2.//Extroverts can demand conversations: Here's what I know about myself, I assume everything I'm thinking in my head should be dished up and presented on a platter for everyone around me to dine on. Why wouldn't you want to hear me talk? I got valid points. I got two cents. But have you ever heard someone say about a quiet person, "they don't talk much, but when they do, it's wisdom". I've found that to be true. Sometimes we need to take a step back and give room for (uncomfortable, awkward, deafening) silence. It's not going to hurt us to sit through silence but it gives introverts who DO tend to think (and sometimes overthink) before they speak a few seconds to gather their thoughts. There could be a mind blowing sentence formulating in their brain that we may never get to hear because extroverts have already changed topics 12 times. Give some space between topics, and even ask if someone else has anything to add. One thing I've learned is asking specific questions helps. For example, instead of "how you doing?" try "Anything especially hard or exciting going on lately?" It not only makes them feel cared about, but opens up the door for a real conversation. 

3.//Extroverts say everything they think. The other way I've noticed extroverts demanding conversations is by not only conversing out loud, but thinking out loud. I know for myself I usually process my thoughts by talking (props to my home girl Katie who is graciously on the receiving end most of the time), so I have the tendency to say the same thing in 84 different ways and just barely be grasping the concept. I know for myself the Lord has convicted me to take my thoughts captive, not because the thoughts are wrong but because they don't always need to come out of my mouth. Bonus: It also helps to avoid the blank stares that are shouting "uhhh... yeah, you said that already". 

4.//The word "extrovert" is not in the bible: It doesn't mean it's not useful to know, but we need to know it for OTHERS sakes, not for ourselves. That's what the christian walk is about anyways, right? Jesus first, other second, yourself last? If I'm so focused on me, me, me and hearing my voice, how can I possibly be of benefit to you? I can't use being an extrovert as a reason to not season my speech with salt, or say whatever I'm thinking (especially since half the things I'm thinking are offensive). I'm still accountable for words that come out of my mouth. It's up to us to make sure we're using our personality type to build up and encourage the body of Christ, not using it as a tool to justify bad behavior. Jesus doesn't care about our personality type. He cares that we become more like HIS personality type by being made into His image.

Let me tell you all about how my life got turned upside down: Our Foster Care Story.

If you're un-lucky enough to be on my Pinterest or Instagram feed (by the way: sorry fellow pinners for my incessant pinning of 500 cupcake recipe's to 500 Brazilian butt work-outs. What can I say? The struggle is real). Anyways, you've probably noticed that we are starting a journey towards foster care/adoption. We've had tons of people bring us their questions and their concerns. So, I decided to give you all the full story of how we came to this idea. 

A few months back the Giant and I were really struggling with this empty feeling. I don't know how else to describe it we weren't sad, we were fine and healthy and even happy but we just lacked passion for anything. After praying and really digging into scripture I started to feel that the emptiness was as a result of not really seeing anything significant in our lives that was a true reflection of Christ. We had gotten kind of comfortable in our faith and hadn't really been stretched or taken a step of faith for quite awhile, and it was just leaving us a little unsettled. 

So we prayed. And prayed. And prayed.

In the past 2 years I have prayed a lot for "moms" who just wanted to have babies, but one night as I was praying I started balling at the idea that there were babies who just wanted moms. I didn't want to take the lead on this idea, I wanted Matt and I to be a united front in this decision. So I prayed God would move. 

About 2 weeks after that prayer, I received a call from DHS. They had gotten an e-mail from me months ago and wanted to know if I was still interested in foster care. (by the way I have NO memory of this e-mail. Obviously God hacked my g-mail account ;) ). Matt was excited, and nervous, and tore the house apart to build a room for them in less than 24 hours.

So here we are. 

Now, you might still be asking why on earth would you do foster care? And trust me, you wouldn't be the first. I think I covered why we are doing it, but let me make it perfectly clear why we are not doing this. We aren't doing this to fill some sort of void in our lives. The giant and I both know that we are not getting a child for our family, we are giving our family for a child. We also are not doing this for a pat on the back, or for you to give us anything but your prayers. Also, we aren't doing this to be the savior in these kids lives. Just to show them the love of a real Savior.

We obviously have a ton of feelings about this decision. But, more important than feelings is the mandate in scripture. James 1:27 says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." The bible is a great story of sacrifice and redemption. We simply want to be obedient to that and proclaim that story in ever facet of our lives. We desperately want to show these kids the love of Christ in a real and practical way but we also want to pray for redemption and restoration in their parents lives as well. Speaking the truth of the gospel as much as we can and fully depending on the Lord to be faithful to his promise in Isaiah 55:11- that His word will in fact accomplish His purposes.

You may think that I'm just this enthusiastic about it because reality hasn't set in yet. And you may be right. But, I am also fully aware that this isn't going to be a walk in the park. I have no false hope that I am in anyway prepared for the emotional roller coaster we just signed up for. But I do have hope in this "All Scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17. I'm simply taking the steps and whole-heartedly trusting God to do the equipping. 

One more thing. I know I have to give the babies back. While we are fully ready for a placement that will lead to adoption, I also know that I will probably have to give the baby back. And yes, I know what your thinking. It will be hard, and I will cry a lot. And I will need you to bring me coffee and doughnuts and prayer. But, 2,000 years ago God handed his ACTUAL Son over, and not to a social worker- to a cross. For me. So I will be fully comforted by a God who knows a little about what I'm going through. Well, that and the doughnuts we talked about earlier.

By our love?

About 7 ish years ago, I stepped into a church building sat in a super uncomfy pew and was told that 2,000 years ago a Man named Jesus gave his life so that I could have mine. My understanding of my God was nothing more than this: He was super real, He loved little kids, sinners and me. I was going to be in Heaven with him through faith, by grace.

That was Good News.

But, it's probably not new news to you. For the past 2,000 years millions of people have made a similar confession and walked through that door from death into life. And through that door you've probably discovered a thousand other doors. Inside those doors are a hundred more doors, and inside those doors are little tiny rooms filled with very few like-minded people.

I'm not saying it's bad necessarily. I know for myself that I am super eager to discover and corner every truth about my God. I want to leave this world more in awe of God than I found it, and to do that I have to be constantly in awe of Him. Consequently you become more in awe of someone by learning new and exciting things about them.

Also, we're humans and humans disagree on crap all the time. It's almost like a pass-time for some folks.

We're naturally going to seek out truth and theology, we are bound to dissect something as profound as the living Word of God. So naturally, we're going to understand it differently than the next guy. Heck, depending on what season of life I'm in I've understood it differently on Monday than I did on Sunday.

But now through the lovely gift of technology we have a platform, a microphone and an incredibly low tolerance for people who don't fit in our tiny room.

My concern is this, does the world know us by our love- or by our divisions?

We get so caught up in secondary truths, like once saved always saved, what the Greek word for this or that is, if an apostle is more important than a teacher (or vice versa) if the gift of tongues is really a thing or not and like a hundred more.

So unless you can tell me for certain that your issue will matter most before our Father, don't try telling me that Jesus' most basic command for us should be put on the back burner.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you. that you also love one another. By then all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
-John 13:34

Handicapped in the name of Humility

I've had lots of coffee and conversations with women who have big dreams and big plans and big hearts. I'm constantly overwhelmed and motivated and challenged by 99% of the dreams and goals my friends have. Weather its to move to a tarantula filled third world country, or simply open up a coffee shop designed to encourage ministry. I've never had one conversation with a woman who had a dream and thought to myself "Eek, I don't know if she could do THAT". Never. Not once.

I remember someone saying once "Women know their dreams, but are too afraid to do it. Men don't know their dreams but will do them anyway."

I think that's pretty true, at least on the women's side. We are always aware of the needs around us, aware of the Spirit and always analyzing every possible situation and outcome.

So what's the problem then? Why are we just sitting on these gifts and passions and trainings? I think the answer to that subtly slipped out in a conversation I had the other night with one of my close friends. She has a heart and a gifting for discipleship. People are just drawn to her and they will listen to what she has to say and they will watch and learn from her. She wanted to go to her pastor and  ask about how to develop a ministry where once someone in the church receives Christ or gets baptized they are instantly hooked up with her or someone else and that's "their person". She explained how it would take the pressure off of the pastor so that he's not the only one calling and meeting and organizing and ministering to these people, and how it would promote relationship and accountability and hopefully encourage people to get plugged in and serve. I told her that was a great idea and asked her why she hasn't gone to her pastor yet.

Turns out it's cause she didn't want to seem self-promoting.

Oh honey, I get that.

As if any of this had anything to do with us. As if our reputation or peoples invisible thoughts about us mattered at all. I know it theologically, and even cognitively it has nothing to do with us and not only that but she is the type of person to give God glory for things like finding her run away earring or not burning the house down while making a birthday cake. So obviously she would give God glory for being a tool in helping people live out God's grace.

Unfortunately, the annoying thing about the enemy is that he subtly warps truths into lies. He will slowly but surely convince us that our insecurity is actually humility. That our desire to lead or help others is pride, while in all actuality it's just killing the call of God.

It makes me think of Moses. when God was like "Hey, my people are in bondage and I want to give them a land full of milk and honey and you're going to be the one to lead them there." And all Moses heard was "Me? You want ME?"

But, God used him anyway. Funny how that works, huh?

I definitely don't have this down. I will probably sit and do nothing in the name of humility multiple times. But, hopefully this conversation will help me to be quicker to separate humility from insecurity.

"If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ" Galatians 1:10